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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

Have you been cheated on by your boyfriend (or now ex)? It can be hard to keep good terms after a man cheats on a woman. Many people ask the question, if a guy cheats once, will he always be a cheater? It might bother someone who has been cheated on to think about this question. The answer is more complicated than you might expect. While not always true, once a man cheats on a woman, it is very likely that he will cheat again for two main reasons:

1. From a survival standpoint, cheating makes sense

If you’ve never read the book The Selfish Gene, you need to pick up a copy. This book goes over Richard Dawkins’ reformulation of the theory of natural selection and brings up the idea that we are all molecules competing for limited space and resources to produce more of our own kind. In other words, those of us who are more selfish get more of the space and resources and ultimately become the survivors. Survival replication is the job of every organism, and in order to survive you have to have advantages over other people; you have to become selfish.

Morals and values are only based on social construction, so this idea sounds extremely egocentric. But the ideas of Darwinism, evolution, and universal laws do not deal with moral standards as something that humans are necessarily born with. Most of the time, men are more logically sensed and women are more morally sensed. This is what causes men to be more manipulative and seem like they don’t care about women’s feelings (see Why Guys Hurt You And Don’t Care About Your Feelings).hardcoverjacket_747x1076-1-1

Your brain sees the advantages of lying, cheating, and stealing without the consequences. Sure, if someone was caught stealing before moral standards were in place they might have a rock bashed over their head, but it was much easier and much more acceptable to lie and cheat yourself out of tough situations. A more modern day example might be someone stealing a piece of cake. The original owner of the cake could accuse the thief of stealing, and he could point to his friend. There is not necessarily proof of who ate the cake, so the friend will get wrongly punished because the cake thief lied about what he did. The thief then gets away with the pleasure of eating the cake and not getting caught stealing it.

Morals and social standards are in place to stop us from doing things like lying and cheating. Just like the cake, cheating can inherently give you pleasure because you’re getting something extra without getting caught (at least at first). You can “have your cake and eat it too.” Men can see the advantage of cheating from a survival perspective; two is better than one. He’s getting double the pleasure, double the support, and if his significant other leaves him, he will still have another woman waiting for him. He is “surviving” by having more than one woman to depend on for his wants and needs. Cheating comes from the part of the brain that is logically trying to have an advantage over other. A strong sense of morals and self-security in a man is what prevents him from letting the survival part of his brain take over and become a cheater.

Women, raise your standards and quality and the guys who come into your life will be of high standard and quality.

2. Cheating is a low ego problem.

It takes a certain person with a low ego to cheat, and it’s very hard to change. A low ego will cause a man to follow the survival instinct in his brain. This type of person is very selfish and is only worried about his own status and ago. He doesn’t care about hurting other people and it’s a mental condition that isn’t easy to break him out of.

A woman can tell a man who cheats that he should stop, but it’s not always that simple. Cheating indicates a deeper problem that is more than just desire. He has a low ego and he needs something to build up his confidence and self-assurance. It’s a much deeper issue than just telling him to stop. Even if he understands that what he has done is wrong, eventually this understanding will subside. He might batmanstop for a period of time, but his memory will soon fog the arguing and disagreements that followed his cheating. He might lose feelings for his significant other. And then he will cheat again because his ego has not been built up and he is still trying to fulfill his selfish survival instinct. This type of guy is not to be trusted, and if the opportunity comes up again he will take advantage of it and do it again (see 5 Accurate Signs He Can’t Be Trusted).

A good relationship takes both a good man and a good woman.

So, the verdict: once a cheater, much more likely a cheater again. Cheating involves two inherent problems that aren’t so easily fixed: the logical advantage of survival and low ego. With higher standards, a good woman can find a good man and that valuable relationship that is so often sought.

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About Me

What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 29 year old who lives in Boise ID spending most of my time doing what I love most: helping people find quality relationships