There are a lot of reasons why people cheat on their partners or spouses, and once a man cheats in a relationship, chances are, he would cheat again. Cheating, to some individuals who have morals and values, standards and social constructionism, is wrong. However, logically, it is not. But is it true that if your guy is a cheat, will he always remain a cheat? That may be true, but, at the same time, it may not be true. We will be taking a look at that fact.
Recent Study On Cheating
One of the most common things that happen even to married couples is cheating. Recent studies have revealed that about 25% of men and 16% of women cheat. You may be surprised also to discover that couples who have always passed across as being happy in marriage have affairs. I’m sure you’ve heard of the on-going break-up saga of Bradgelina. Lol.
A Recommended Book to Read
There’s an excellent book that I recommend for every man or woman in a relationship. The book is titled, “The Selfish Gene” and this book mainly talks about survival instincts. It goes on to explain why most humans desire to have advantages over others to suit themselves for survival. That may sound selfish to you, and this is because you have imbibed some morals and values, standards as well as social constructionism. But to logical thinkers, it may not sound selfish at all. So why do guys cheat?
The Brain and Male Ego
The human brain is a powerful organ and sees the advantages of lying, stealing, and cheating but does not see the consequences of them unless you’re aware of it. For instance, if I eat a piece of cake that you own, and you come in and ask, “who ate my cake?”, and I point to another person as the culprit, and that person gets into trouble, your brain picks up the idea “Wow, I just had her cake and did not get in trouble for it!” You get this great feeling that floods your body as a result of hormones like dopamine and other ‘feel-good’ hormones that get pumped into your brain. The sensation gives you an exciting feeling of advantage over other people, and that adrenaline rush is addictive. It’s all about advantage and survival
Now here’s the idea of behind cheating:
the guy gets double the fun, double the power and the pleasure, the status and envy (on top of his low ego and self-esteem that needs to be fed). Of course, it’s different nowadays as a result of social standards, conformity, morals, values, constructionism that helps to suppress the feeling to cheat and telling yourself not to cheat because it’s wrong. In fact, cheating can have the opposite effect where if you do cheat, you’re not going to have your cake and eat it too because the “tribe” will see you as a cheater and your social circle will lower your value because no one wants to be with a cheater. So by ostracizing you for going against social regulations, you lose value.
The sad thing is if a man does cheat, there isn’t a lot you can do about it if he’s a low ego man. Sure, some men just have weak moments and will do anything to get you back but that’s not all men. You can’t just go to a guy and say,
“I don’t like that you cheated on me. It hurt my feelings, and if you do it again, I’m gone.”
He’s just going to say “okay, you’re right” and he may even try, but there is always the tendency that he’s going to cheat later on down the road because he’s still in a weak mindset. You’re not going to tell him now and he’s just going to snap out of his low ego and insecurities. It takes a certain person with a certain mindset to cheat just like it takes a certain person to commit theft or murder. It takes a particular type of person to hurt another person like that, to be that selfish and think,
“It’s all about me. I’m not worried about her. I’m worried about my own survival, my own status, my own ego, etc.”
Once a guy gets down to that low level of ego, it’s pretty hard for him to bounce back from that. The fact that the guy just doesn’t even care about the feelings of another person is a severe mental condition in my opinion. So approaching such a man and telling him “I don’t like what you did” will not break such a person out of his shell, or take him out of the low ego state or build his confidence. Even if he understands that what he did was wrong, there’s every chance that he’s going to do it again because over time, the encounter of you arguing about his infidelity will become a distant blur and all those feelings of hurting you are going to subside while his insecurities and low ego are still eating at him.
So, from my point of view, if he’s a cheater, he may not always be a cheater; but it is highly likely that he is going to remain a cheater if he is morally loose. If he’s still in that ‘low ego state’ and his brain sees it as the most logical thing to do, he is going to cheat on you again. He may also talk to another girl when you guys get into an argument that makes him feel that you are going to leave him. His survival instinct is telling him that he’s not a provider or satisfying you so he’s going to rush to another girl to help him get that feeling.
But what can you do to curtail the act itself? A lot of relationships and marriages begin on a happy note. But somewhere down the road, in-between meeting financial obligations and other daily activities, the slide down the slippery road to ‘Cheating Lane’ begins. It may be that the guy in your life is not getting some of his personal needs met; he may be deprived of an emotional feeling of love and respect. Sometimes, something more than the thrill of the chase makes men cheat. But ultimately, it was still his decision to cheat on you. I mean it’s a deliberate choice, whether it’s rendered on the spur of the moment or over a stretch of time. This is what you need to find out for you to come to a conclusion that if he’s a cheater, he will always be a cheater.
So how do you know if he’s going to stop cheating on you, or that he feels sorry for what he did? These five indications should serve as pointers for you to know that your relationship has the hope of surviving the heart-breaking incident:
- If your man is genuinely remorseful and renders a heartfelt apology for his mistakes, you should know if the apology rings true when you hear them.
- A sign of repentance is if your partner cuts off any form of contact with his lover.
- He begins to show a renewed devotion and appreciation toward you.
- You begin to have open, honest and profound conversations with each other about what led him to cheat in the first place. If you find that you contributed to it in one way or the other, you must also take steps to correct that aspect to prevent him from relapsing later in the future.
- A good sign to show that he is willing to change his ways is when he shows his desire to seek counsel from a psychotherapist as an individual or with you as a way for him to understand his dynamics and to ask for ways to make your relationship more intimate and better.
So, to recap, ‘once he is a cheater, always a cheater’ may not always be true in every circumstance. So it depends on the factors mentioned earlier. All that is left is for you to be able to analyze your relationship to ensure no loophole could make your man cheat on you.