Do you get frustrated with trying to figure out the “rules” of texting? With technology being so prevalent in our lives, it can be almost impossible to decipher how often to text, what to text, and when to text. Below are three fundamentals that you need to keep in mind every day when dealing with texting a guy.
1. Pre-texting (or pre-dating)
When it comes right down to it, texting is not the biggest problem. Pre-texting or pre-dating is what happens before the texting or dating even starts. In order for a text to have meaning, there has to be a pre-requisite. From the day you meet until the day that your relationship ends, your job is to build value and attraction. A guy will not want to text if he’s not initially attracted to you, if he does not see value in texting you. You have to show him you have value, that you are scarce, and that guys want you. This goes back to some of the red flags that men will see in girls. If you are clingy or needy, it will be clear that you are not scarce and he will not want to text you, or even date you at all (see Top 10 Red Flags That Turn Men Off Immediately).
You have to come off as valuable and build attraction first and foremost. Following the “rules” of texting from Cosmo or books or videos will not mean anything if he’s not initially attracted and wants you. You have to set yourself up for success.
Don’t think just because you got a guy’s number necessarily means that he’s interested. Our lives are so filled with technology that sharing numbers, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, and other social connection, is not that uncommon. He could have given his number to ten other women just this week, so you have to show your value to him. You have to hold the attraction first before you think he’s going to text you.
2. Change your texting mindset
Frequency of texting matters. A lot of people text all day and every day trying to hold conversations, trying to learn more, and dig deep with that person. But just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should. If you’re texting a man all the time, he’s going to lose interest. Making connections in person is much better than doing it over text, so you should save learning about each other for your dates.
Texting should really only be used for one thing: linking. You can make dates, follow up with them, and flirt briefly in between. Think of it like you’re a saleswoman and you’re trying to follow up with him about a pitch. If you text him all the time, you’re going to come off annoying, boring, and a pain. But if you follow up with quality, not quantity texts, you’re going to appear much more attractive and will win him over. You should flirt during text, but not all day every day. It gets boring.
3. Make your texts stick out.
Everyone texts things like “hey,” “what’s up,” “how’s it going,” etc., and that’s boring. You want your texts to stick out for him to be interested and want to answer you. For example, you might text him a picture of you wearing an outfit and ask for his advice, “How does this top look?” or “Do these shoes go with this outfit?” Men are natural providers, so it is attractive to him if you’re asking him for his opinion (see 3 Texts You Must Send a Guy You’re Talking To). This type of text is simple, he can get to know you, he feels like you care, and it can also be a little flirty.
You might ask him a question, give him a suggestion, just say something interesting. Pictures of anything are really a good way to go, because men are very visual. Not to say that you should be sending him nudes, but just something that would peak his interest and make you stand out from others that might just be texting him “hey.” This is when you can take the advice of Cosmo, books, and videos on what to text guys. As long as you have the attraction and value built up, you can figure out a way to text him naturally that will make him want to respond and follow up with more dates.
Figuring out the rules for texting can be really difficult if you’re used to texting someone all the time. The most important part of texting is building quality attraction before it even happens. If the attraction isn’t there, it doesn’t matter how great your texts are.