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What Pushes Him Away
5 Things Not To Do When A Guy Pulls Away

5 Things Not To Do When A Guy Pulls Away

I know how it is. When a guy pulls away, you start to flip out. Everything that you thought was going well now feels fake and that this “great” guy is not so great afterall. Or, is he? Do you know the reasons he’s pulling away? Are you making it worse? I briefly want to go over 5 things not to do when a guy pulls away so you don’t self-sabotage your relationship.

Find Out What To Do If He Pulls Away



Most don’t know what to do when he pulls away. Obviously you’re going to react. But I mean actually “react” and make things worse. The reactions we have to things that we don’t like are usually bad. I am not saying you have to sit back and take it but don’t make the situation worse and sabotage a great thing unless you know for a fact he’s pulling away without your interest in mind.

A good example of reacting is a girl flipping out when a guy doesn’t text back. Is it okay to text a guy? Sure. He probably wants to hear from you. It’s when he doesn’t respond and you send:


I can’t tell you how many times I was busy and came back to something like this. Turned me off completely. It shows me the woman is a nut job. She may not be but how do I know? I have to go with what you give me. Don’t give him any ammunition.

Create a Downward Spiral

When a guy pulls away, all that was good seems lost and you get in your own way. You’re your own worst enemy and you don’t even need to be. You start to think negatively, get in your own head, come up with stupid assumptions, and say things like, “I knew I shouldn’t have done X” or I knew I should have done Y” When I bet those things wouldn’t even matter.

What is worse is when you create a downward spiral, you feed the other 4 things I have on this list. Just keep calm, stay in place, and relax. Come up with a plan. Put yourself in his shoes.

Suddenly Become Needy

We become needy all of a sudden because we are scared that we are going to lose the one thing that was going great in our life. The thing is when you become needy, you lose value. You show that you’re not scarce, you become too available, and you actually give off the vibe that you’re going to suppress him…..

Man’s biggest fear of getting in a relationship is feeling suppressed.

Put Yourself Down

You become your worst critic. No one knows you better than you know yourself. And what are you going to do? You’re going to peck at every little flaw that you know of. Ones that he has never seen or will see. And when you start to pick at your brain, it only magnifies the problem and you will become more insecure and needy.

Never compare yourself to others and put yourself down. It’s a paradox you will never win. Always strive for improvement but never perfection. Society as tricked us into believing that we need to be perfect. Trust me as long as you progress daily, you will be well ahead of everyone else and even surprise yourself. The problem a lot of us have is we play victim and sit and mope over things we can’t change.

Over Chase

What we chase, runs away. Do I need to say more?


  1. Salma

    February 1, 2017 at 6:22 pm

    Hi Elliot!
    I have a question:
    I might have been a bit needy (not to much) with this guy. We had one date and after that I said to him I was doubting this whole thing because he didn’t write me the next day (we ALMOST had sex, which was stupid of me), and I didn’t know what his intentions are and so on.. He really didn’t give a clear answer, and he just told me he didn’t want to puss me into seeing each other again, if I didn’t feel like it.
    It’s been 4 days since we had contact. Have I lost him?
    Do you think there is something women can do AFTER they have been doing the wrong things? Should I ever reach out to him again? I know he is a very busy man for sure. But again, I might make excuses for him.

    Hope you see this! Thanks a lot for all of what you do for women!
    Love your e-book btw! 🙂


    • Elliot

      February 2, 2017 at 12:14 pm

      I actually just made a blog post on that called how to get a guy to like you after he pulled away. Go ahead and check that out. Yes, you can make up for bad things you done.


  2. Kay

    February 15, 2017 at 11:21 am


    I have been dating a man for a year he is everything I want and I’m so in love with him. He calls and texts me every single day and treats me well. I try my best to make him happy, sex, support, loyalty ,cooking etc. I feel like I’m his girlfriend.

    He is very supportive and caring however when I ask him if I’m his girlfriend and is this official he responds with he can’t give me 100% right now but he can’t end our dating relationship because he has feelings for me. I feel trapped because I’m in love with him but don’t want to stay any longer without a title.

    I don’t know how to leave him? as when I bring up the issue he cuts short the conversation with no conclusion. Should I vanish and leave him, fade him out or give him more time to know what he wants. Is it better as a woman for me to disappear?


  3. Amie

    March 6, 2017 at 10:32 am

    Hey Elliot!

    Firstly I want to say thank you so much for all your youtube vids 🙂

    My boyfriend of almost 1 year has been ignoring my texts and calls for a couple of weeks now (well I tried calling twice early on before I realised he was ignoring me, but not after that!). Luckily at no point did I go nuts and send him a heap of texts. But after a few fairly light-hearted texts a few days apart, with no replies, I was pretty annoyed! And then got all in my head about it… After another few days I sent what I think was a fairly neutral text saying okay I guess he needs some time to himself and I hope he is okay. And of course no response. Anyway!!! I found your vids on youtube and you have been a massive help for me in getting out of my head (downward spiral as you put it!). And I have been re-reading your 5 rules above and also re-watching some vids to try to get through my head (that of course wants to worry and text him some more) that I need to back off and not chase him away.

    I can’t think of anything that would have directly caused him to start ignoring me. Although I get that men and women are on different pages with this stuff! The only thing I can think of is in the week or so before this ignoring phase, we’d spent more time than usual together. So maybe it is a fear of losing his freedom thing. (shrug). Anyway I am trying to stick to what you’ve been saying, not think to much about it and get all down about it, not chase him away, and if he comes back then show my high value and if he doesn’t come back then well wtf he is a jerk I guess!!!

    Thanks again,



  4. Candy

    March 13, 2017 at 6:26 pm

    Hi elliot , i work with this guy and he keeps pulling and pushing… i dont know how to behave. He pulls away and then when i dont talk comes back to speak and then when i speak for some reaons stops talking or ignores. he likes my fb posts and then when i like his he ignores. and then if i like the same post that he likes, he unlikes the same post and then when i see him the next day at work. then he is nervous and shaky……..dont know what to think of this shaky personality.


    • Elliot

      April 26, 2017 at 10:05 am

      He’s playing games. You’d have power if you don’t react and pull away yourself. Condition him like a dog.


  5. Erica

    July 29, 2017 at 4:05 am

    Hi Elliot! I love your YouTube videos! I met a guy online 4 months ago and from the first conversation there were serious sparks. We had so much in common, relationship history, life experience, values. We clicked so much he flew to see me on his only day off from his construction job. He is newly divorced from a 12 year relationship. He’s been divorced for over a year but separated longer. Anyway we became exclusive from his first visit. He flew down to see me every two weeks for the first few months. Our visits were pure heaven and he was always very expressive of his strong feelings for me and he told me he wanted to marry me in the future. He planned to move here in one year after his job was done. Six weeks ago he stopped texting less but continued to tell me he loved me and continued to come see me. I got super stressed he wasn’t being emotionally open with me anymore and on two occasions expressed my fear he was losing interest in me. He promised it wasn’t anything to do with our relationship but he was stressed working 6 days a week and had an ongoing custody battle. 8 days ago I couldn’t take the emotional distance anymore and broke up with him. I need to mention anytime we would have a disagreement he would ask me if I was breaking up with him. I assured him I wasn’t because I really didn’t want to break up. When I actually did break up with him and told him why he didn’t even have anything to say but Good Luck. We have had no contact for the 8 days. I really love him and I am wondering if he was trying to make me break up with him and if he ever really loved me. I am so confused why he let me go without a fight.


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About Me

What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 29 year old who lives in Boise ID spending most of my time doing what I love most: helping people find quality relationships