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What Pushes Him Away
Dating Coach Reveals 7 shocking reasons why men pull away after getting close

Dating Coach Reveals 7 shocking reasons why men pull away after getting close

There are plenty of reasons why men pull away after getting close. Probably more than I would like to admit. However, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. I have had plenty of clients who made the mistakes I am about to tell you and still were able to attract the guy and get him back in the long run. The key is to realize you’re making the mistake that push him away in the first place. Once you fix that, you can work on attracting him and getting him to desire you.

He Pulled Away Because You Didn’t Attract Him

I don’t mean this in the common sense way of, “Well, he doesn’t like you so that’s why he pulled away.” While that is true, I mean this in several different ways.

For one, a lot of women don’t know how attraction works. It’s YOUR jobs to get the guy attracted to you. It’s your job to create the desire. If a guy doesn’t like you that is your fault. Not his.

To get a guy to like you, you must do the following:

  • Limit red flags. The reason a guy pulls away and the reason he commits are two different things. He pulls away due to red flags. He commits based on your value. You need to keep him around long enough to see your value without showing red flags. You need to be a saleswoman and think about making the process as simple and easy as possible for your buyer.
  • Stop acting out of desperation. I talk about this later in the article but a lot of you will try to get the guy to commit due to fear of losing him. That’s going to scare him away. Don’t put the cart before the horse. Build the attraction until he desires you. That way, you have something to bargain/negotiate. If you’re just forcing a relationship on him by your actions, he’s going to pull away and it’s going to be easy because he doesn’t have that depth or rapport with you.
  • Have a freedom of outcome. What really turns guys off is the fact that they’re always pressured to be in a relationship. The best girl is the girl who lets me fall for her. Not the girl who bugs me or comes off strong everytime I come over. We pull away when this happens because we feel if we comply or go with it, it’s telling you we want the same thing when we aren’t sure yet.

You Moved Too Fast And It Scared Him

As I said above, it’s all about pacing and letting things unfold naturally. When it moves too fast, he doesn’t have time to process anything and it becomes fight or flight. Most of the time, he will run away from it instead of sticking around to understand it.

A lot of men don’t have a problem hanging out with you and seeing where it goes. It only bothers us when we hang out with you and there always has to be pressure to make a decision. Even if you’re not asking us, when it’s moving too fast, we know where it’s going and we know we have to make a decision sooner than we are ready.

He Thought He Wanted A Relationship

Men usually move fast too. But for us, we do it so we don’t waste time. We think we want something serious and then when it moves fast and feels serious, we realize it’s not what we want.

This is how a lot of men usually approach a relationship so I wouldn’t. If you meet men online or through dating apps, they’re not on there to find their soulmates. However, most of the time, a relationship comes out of it. A guy goes in with one expectation but if she is a fun and awesome woman, that can change a lot.

When he pulls away from after getting close, it’s probably because it reached its last straw. It got too serious and while he tried to make it work, he wasn’t feeling it.

You can change that though. If you are able to talk to him for 6-8 weeks and get him hooked then he can go from not wanting something to wanting something.

You weren’t What He Was Looking For

A shot of an interracial couple having a relationship conflict

Sadly and in the worst case scenario, he got to know you and you were not what he was looking for.

If this is you or this problem has happened more than once, I highly suggest you pick up my Ultimate Value Guide. In there I talk about everything you need to know in order to get a guy to fall for you and commit.

Everytime He Hangs With You He Feels Pressured

Just like women complain about everything having to be about sex, men complain that there always has to be pressure in being in a relationship. That women who get furthest with men are the ones who just like to hangout and have fun and let things unfold naturally. I know a lot of women who don’t like this though because they feel they’re going to get screwed at the end. If that is the case, you need to work harder on your attraction skills and getting a guy hooked and not so much on what the guy is thinking.

Attraction is not a choice. If you can get a guy hooked, you’re golden.

Let me give you a good example of a woman who did it right. I remember a year ago from this writing I met a girl on Tinder and I strictly wanted to hook up with her. We met for dinner and had great conversation. I made a move and she said she wasn’t ready. That’s fine I didn’t want to pressure her. The next time I saw her I went over to her place and watched a movie. This time she was a lot more sexual and compliant. However, I couldn’t help noticing how fun she was. How great our conversations were and how good I felt when I made her laugh. She was slowly growing on me. I think we only talked about relationships once and when we texted, it wasn’t like we were blowing up each other’s phones everyday. It felt natural. It was fun. I started to have feelings for her and even though I moved away and it didn’t work out, I tell this story all the time to my friends or in my videos and articles because I think it’s important.

Too much Eagerness And Interest

I tell women all the time that scaring a guy away doesn’t have to do with what you say. My clients tell me all the time,

“Well how did I scare him away? I didn’t bring up relationships. I didn’t talk about titles or where this was going.”

That’s only one piece of the pie. While women have intuition and a gut instinct, men are very keen and aware on when a woman digs us. Sometimes a woman who is too avaible, eager, or interested scares us away because we know she’s falling hard. When she falls hard too fast, it could lead to disaster.

That is why I always tell women to have the mindset of, “I want you but I don’t need you.”

Took You For Granted

If you’re doing what I said above and you’re making yourself too available and he feels he didn’t have to put a lot of work in to win you over, he is going to take you for granted. If he feels like he has you tied around his finger, why would he put forth any more effort to win you over? That isn’t logical. Therefore, he is going to use his resources elsewhere.

I always tell my clients that you need to be scarce with men. That doesn’t mean ignore him or be a bitch. But you do need to balance out how much you want to see him in the beginning because if he know you’re super interested and willing to take him back, he can leave and go do what he wants and then come back with no penalty. That’s where you will lose a guy. As soon as he thinks he can have the best of both worlds, you need to nip it in the butt.

Think about it. If every time I left you and then came back with no penalty, why wouldn’t I leave? A man can leave but if he comes back, he has to work his way back up. He doesn’t get his place in line saved. Nope. There must be a penalty for his actions. If there isn’t then he’s going to try to have his cake and eat it too.


There are many reasons why a guy pulls away after getting close. For the most part, it has to do with pressure and the relationship moving too fast. It’s never just one thing.

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About Me

What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 29 year old who lives in Boise ID spending most of my time doing what I love most: helping people find quality relationships