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Letting Him Go To Get Him Back – Will He Come Back? He Will If You Do These 5 Things

Letting Him Go To Get Him Back – Will He Come Back? He Will If You Do These 5 Things

I want to start off saying some good news: Unless you absolutely screwed everything up and burned the bridge, a guy is probably going to come back 80% of the time. If your guy just started pulling away and it wasn’t anything drastic, I am willing to bet you will see him again. From my experience, men will come back around in under a month’s time. If you’re asking, “Will he be back”, I am going to give you 5 things to do in order to better your chances.

Give Him Space In Order To Get Him Thinking

This is very obvious but a lot of women don’t actually do this. They give him the illusion of space. What I mean by this is they pull back but they aren’t cut throat about it. Don’t hover on the outside. You literally have to pull back 100% so he knows what it’s like without you.

At the same time, a lot of women are their own worst enemies. Instead of pulling away, they will try to find ways to make it better which only makes it worse. Listen, if he’s pulling away then there is a reason. Of course he should be open and communicate to you on why but we both know he’s not doing that. That’s why you’re reading this article.

A lot of men give you hints that he needs space but women don’t take the signs and wonder why he’s pulling away completely.

I had a client the other day who had a guy who told her he wanted to text less and see her less. This is him telling her to her face he wants space and that she’s suffocating him. That sounds obvious but the more important thing to understand is it shouldn’t have reached that point. She should have backed off long before. There is a reason he told her that he needed space. It was the stuff being done prior.

The BIGGEST MISTAKE women make is they try to fight it. The worst thing you can do is to try to convince a guy to come back to you after he made the decision to pull away. His brain is in the pull away mindset so if you try to tell him no, it’s going to create tension and that’s the last thing you want. You need to letting him go to get him back and act as if you don’t give a shit. You will have a lot more success that way.

Letting Him Go to Get Him Back

Let Him Miss You If You Want Him To Return

Going further into what I said above, you have to pull away completely to let him miss you. Hovering around on the outside, liking his statuses, and opening his Snapchats only shows him he still has you around his finger and that you’re not going anywhere. If that is the case then why should he be in such a rush to come back to you? There is no penalty for him pulling away. He knows he can pull away and do what he wants because if he did want you back he knows you’re waiting for him at the door like a sad puppy. Don’t give off that vibe. Pull away completely so his brain can see the bigger contrast between you being in his life and you gone.

Men are like women. He’s going to think about you from time to time. He’s going to be reminded of you whether he’s alone on a saturday night, or he sees something that puts you in his head, he’s going to start missing you. But he can’t get that feeling if you’re still around.

Create Opportunity To Get Him Wanting You

While I don’t think you should ever reach out to a guy when he pulls away, I do believe that you should make him miss you. Post pictures of you having fun and hanging out. Let mutual friends know you’re doing well. You need to speed up the process. Men are visual creatures so if he sees you’re having fun and looking good, he’s going to be upset because he used to have that.

Here is the sad and pathetic truth no man talks about: It’s about you vs him and his ego. If he feels like you’re “winning” and having fun while he’s still single and doing whatever, he’s going to be envious and reach out to you. We always do. Men are prideful. He’s going to realize he had it good and wants to make it better.

The biggest upset in life is regret so he’s going to reach out if you’re looking good and smiling.

Bend Don’t Break When A Guy Pulls Away

There are going to be times you want to text him on his birthday or the holidays and feel that is’t a good idea because you’re being nice. DO NOT DO IT! He pulled away. He doesn’t deserve your gratitude and warm gestures.

Pretend To Move On If You Want Him Back

Wrapping this all up, you have to play a role. The role of the woman who doesn’t give a fuck. That means you have to commit and play all parts. Not just not texting him. But talking to other guys, posting pictures of you having a good time, never folding, letting your mutual friends know you’re good and dating, and so on.

As I said earlier. It’s him vs you. That is the mindset a lot of men have and if you didn’t do anything wrong and he just pulled away because you either came off strong or he wasn’t sure of you, then he will come back around. But if you sit there in misery and hope for him to come back and he can tell by your sappy Facebook posts, there is no way in hell he will give you another chance. He’s going to think he made the right decision and stay away. You have to play the part. If you don’t then he will never commit because he’s going to treat you casually. He’s going to come around when HE WANTS because he knows he can. He knows you’re crazy about him and will give him his spot back in line despite treating you like shit. There must be a penalty for his actions.

Extra Questions/ FAQS On If He Will Come Back:

What if he doesn’t come back?

Then congrats you can move on! In all seriousness, don’t stress about it. Easier said than done but don’t become your worst enemy. As I said prior, if you didn’t make a lot of mistakes, the likelihood of him coming back is greatly in your favor. I know because it happened to me more than I like to admit.

What if there is another woman?

97% of women are in the same boat you’re in or they at least get in that boat. I can’t tell you how many women I know who you’d think are perfect just by looking at them who make the same mistakes you do. Only 3% of women get it right so if he is with a girl, it’s not going to last.

What if I made huge mistakes already?

The past is the past. The worse thing you can do is bring it up, apologize about it, talk about it, or anything like that. Attraction is created by moving forward and progression. If you do get the chance to see him again then focus on that. Most of the time, the damage you did do fades with time.


  1. Belle

    November 13, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    Elliotttttt! I went crazy several times & did the wrong things, he’s backed off but still texts once per day. I think he’s hitting up other girls (he defs likes their stuff on Instagram and comments with 🔥 and 🥀) but I want him back with the same intensity as earlier on! What do I do? And I’m so tempted to block him & end it, thinking he’s hitting up girls is driving me crazy!


  2. Dawn

    December 2, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    I have a friend who I subtly chased all summer and have since hooked up with twice. I found out he was texting other women, probably sleeping with them as well. He never gave me any illusions that we were exclusive but I had hoped. He was honest with me from the beginning. Before anything ever happened between us he said he wasn’t ready for anything serious. He had recently gotten out of a relationship with a pushy woman. Before that, his extra wife of 17 years was also controlling. After I found out about the other women, I sent some needy texts. He did tell me he liked me and could hang out and apologized. I ended the text conversation with ‘It’s my fault, I knew you weren’t interested but I chose to ignore it’. That was 9 days ago and he hasn’t responded. However, I saw him 6 days ago and he was flirty and went out of his way twice during the day to come over and rub my shoulder and chat with me. He is also liking ALL my Instagram posts. Even on my business page. I’ve pulled away since my last text and was aloof when I saw him in person. I’m not engaging on his social media. I don’t understand why he would be all over my social media if he wasn’t interested. But he’s not contacting me directly. Unless we see each other in person. I’d like to know how long it could take for him to decide he is indeed interested in a relationship. There is a party in 2 weeks which we are both invited to and I don’t know if I should go or stay scarce. I’m quite upset about the whole thing as I have developed feelings for him. We have many mutual friends and see each other at least once a month. He is very attentive and flirty when he’s around me and is always finding some way to touch me. He will go to events he knows I’ll be at. How long before he notices I’ve pulled away and what are the chances he’ll pursue me when he does?


  3. B

    January 1, 2018 at 2:48 am

    My freind introduced me to this guy and we started texting a lot. I let him contact me more. Then out of nowhere he stopped. We have lots of Comon interests and it felt good. Anyways, I contacted him after a 3 day period and he just flat out said ” i dont want a relationship right now”I never even mentioned one, I was trying to get to know him. So Ok, a few days later I’m out living my life happily and he’s always watching my snaps and I reach out and he came over. We had a seriously hot steamy make out session. I didn’t act all clingy or anything and he got cold again. Ok, then christmas eve he contacts me after me letting it go and asks to be FWB, at first i was upset, but we had great sexual chemistry. So i said ok. So ive texted him every couple days leading up to whats supposed to be yesterdays hook up and he started acting flaky again. So finally i called him out on it, I was compassionate though, and he said he was sorry about this and he said he doesn’t want anyone or anything with anyone right now. This greatly confused me. Here’s where I messed up. I been upset about the flakiness but he’s not like , I don’t think he’s a player, a perv yes but he’s ackward and cute, collects antiques, plays shuffleboard on Mondays and has a old soul.oh one more thing I said look I know you been hurt (my freind told me) but I know when a guy wants something he goes for it. He said “and I’m just not going for it right now”. Anyways this was Friday night. Now it’s Sunday and I made a mistake. I messaged him saying I think he should take me fishing. I did this knowing it was a bad move, but I guess it’s my way of saying I’m not terribly angry. I feel like I ruined any chance of him coming back if he is just in a place right now mentally that’s causing him to keep backing out. I feel like I beat a dead horse and I’m hating myself for it. What do i say or do if he even messages me back? I feel like a stage 5 clinger now and look desperate to boot. Please help me!!


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About Me

What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 29 year old who lives in Boise ID spending most of my time doing what I love most: helping people find quality relationships