Okay…this seems to be happening a lot more nowadays. Actually, it has probably been happening since Adam and Eve got kicked out of Eden but we just get to know about it more because we have the internet, social media and dating sites. As a coach, this is something I hear about all the time. Women always ask me why do guys ignore them. They want to know how to get their man to stop ignoring them and actually commit. I am going to tell you why your having trouble.
More and more women are up in arms lamenting about: how men will not commit, asking all the wrong people about what it is they might be doing wrong and taking terrible advice about how to chase guys and get them to want you more.
Let’s get one thing clear: nothing can keep a man away from something he wants. It is the same in business as it is in relationships. If he don’t want to talk to you then he will not talk to you. If he wants to stay single, then he will. That is why I constantly tell women it’s easy to tell if a guy likes you or not:
HE WILL DATE YOU IF HE DID! No bullshit excuses!
So the fact that he’s not willing to commit to you or is showing ‘unclear’ signs of disinterest could only mean one thing: he is not as interested in you as you think he is! It’s sad, but it’s true. When a man is interested, there will be clear signs and you will definitely get to know about it.
He is still sleeping with me but not committing – what could be wrong?
I just want to sum this up with some logic: why wouldn’t he have sex with you? Men don’t associate sex and feelings as closely as women do. Of course he’s going to sleep with you! He’d be an idiot not to.
Another thing you need to know about men (and you have probably heard this a million times before but always thought that it will not happen to you) is that they have primal needs that drive most of their interaction with women. Yes! For the most part, men start with sex. That is their sexual strategy from an evolutionary perspective.
If he is always keen on spending the night with you but when you bring up things like meeting his friends and family, questioning him, asking to hangout more, or blow up his phone, he goes weird on you. There is a good chance that:
- doesn’t want a relationship just yet
- You are making it too easy for him
- You are the one who does most of the chasing so he doesn’t feel the need to do more
- He’s not convinced
- He still has options and no one won him over
Of course, there is a good chance that you also enjoy the sex. But you want MORE! What do you do?
In this case, you should learn how to pull away without ruining what you have together. There are tricks you can use to turn things around and get him more interested without losing him. Tricks that will even get him more interested in keeping you.
This, however, is just curing the symptom as opposed to eradicating the underlying disease altogether. Let me share some secrets with you. These are things that men will not tell you to your face but they will be the reasons why none of them seems to be committing to you. So listen up, my dear ladies; these secrets will help you turn things around.
He Is Holding out for Something Better/ You’re An Insurance Policy
Remember when you were little and you had a long list of all the things you wanted in your future husband? Would it surprise you to hear that this list never really goes away? Probably not, right? Because let’s face it, you still want a man with a great body and someone who adores you and treats you like a queen. And if you meet a man who checks most of your boxes but doesn’t meet what you have mentally set as your minimum requirement, then something will just never quite fit. That’s what they call ‘settling’.
Now here is the thing: men have that too. Men have a list (for most it is just mental or some sort of instinctive checklist that remains imprinted in their minds for as long as they live). We think of it as very binary though. We are more black and white:
- Benefits vs Liabilities
- attractive, fun, chill
- Doesn’t show red flags and lets me have my freedom
- Wanting a 10/10
- Wanting ‘marriage material’
- make me want to be a better person
Every man has this list regardless of whether they realize it or not. Should you fail to meet their ‘minimum requirement’ they will instinctively write you off and put you in the ‘NOT marriage material’ category. This doesn’t mean that they won’t keep sleeping with you though! It just means that they will NEVER commit to you. He is simply using you as a place holder until he meets his dream girl.
Why Does He Ignore Me? He Has Commitment Issues
Sad as it is to say, but we live in a fractured world. Every one of us is dealing with one kind of demon or another. For most men, this demon has a lot to do with committing to women. The most common reasons for these include:
- Being hurt before and closing off his heart completely
- Coming from a broken family has left him with commitment issues
- He likes his ‘playboy’ status too much to give it up
- His commitment issues stem from deeply seated trust issues
I know this for a fact because I use to go to therapy for commitment issues. My problem was emotional scarring from an ex AND no strong examples of a successful relationship around me. All my friends and family are divorced.
Anyone of these reasons could be why he is pulling away. Alas, there really isn’t a simple way to know exactly why he is pulling away unless you often have meaningful and emotionally charged conversations with him.
He Is Newly Single And Doesn’t Want To Commit
This one probably doesn’t come as a surprise. As soon as guy tells you that he just broke up with someone, chances are that your relationship with him is not going anywhere. At least not right now. Most, and when I say most I’m talking about 95% of them, newly single men are NOT looking for anything serious. For two main reasons:
- Reason one: The pain is still too fresh for him to let anyone else in.
- Reason two: He’s friends keep telling him to sleep his way to sanity and that’s exactly what he is looking to do.
- Reason three: He feels “free” and doesn’t want to be tied down again right away.
It’s nothing personal at this time, it actually isn’t you, it’s him. Unless you are willing to wait (not advisable) and you are willing to sit through all those self-pity parties and ratchetry, then you should let this one go.
What Scares Men? You’re Desperate for a Relationship
Men, and I’m talking ALL men at this point, are natural born hunters! It’s written there in their DNA. Men love the chase. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that he is okay with this 21st century hullabaloo about women doing the chasing as well. The only time men are okay with that is when there is sex in it for them or they’re insecure and need validation.
A strong, confident, masculine, healthy ego man who likes you WILL CHASE YOU.
If he even smells a hint of ‘relationship desperation’ on you, he will be out of there before his Uber App even fires up. Here are some of the things you do that say you are desperate for a relationship:
- You call him all the time
- You are the one who always initiates your meet-ups
- You insist on his meeting the family and friends too early
- You always bring up the ‘where are we headed’ talk
- You’re always available
- You’re eager
These are all red flags for men. Yes, men want a woman who is willing to raise a family. But they want THEM to be the reason that woman wants to settle down. They want to convince you of it; they want to feel as if they chased and eventually wore you down. Not the other way around.
Unfortunately, most men will not tell you these 4 things because:
- It makes them sound like assholes
- They still want to sleep with you
But now you know what might be going wrong and why he is not committing. Stick with me and I’ll show you how to get him to want you more.