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Dating Coach’s Guide: How To Get A Guy To Like You. How To Get A Boyfriend

I am about to teach you everything you need to know on how to get a guy to like you fast and want to be your boyfriend. It doesn’t matter whether this guy is a crush, boy you like from school, work, or if you’re trying to get him to like you again. If you follow what I tell you in this article, this guy is going to be more likely to want to commit and make you his girlfriend.

Easiest Way To Get A Guy To Like You And Want to Commit To Being Your Boyfriend

Make him think it’s his idea to want to date you

The biggest problem women make is they move to fast. They think because the guy is initiating and moving fast in the beginning that they should go along with it. While you should let him take the lead and court you, don’t mistaken it as him wanting the same thing as you.

Here is what I mean: Most of the time, men move fast. That’s their way of doing things. We want to find out quick if we want to date you. Women on the other hand like to take it slow and see if the guy is worth investing in.

The problem with this though is girls mistaken this man’s intensity in the beginning with him wanting the same thing as her. She feeds back this intense energy and it starts to pick up a serious vibe. While the guy THOUGHT he wanted something serious in the beginning, as soon as it picked up that serious vibe (too much in short amount of time), he realized it’s not what he wanted and starts to back off.

Now, he has to back off. The reason he thinks that if he keeps complying with you at the pace it’s going, his actions are telling you that he wants the same thing when in fact it’s not! That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. He just may not want the same thing and backs off a bit.

Things that make it seem like it’s going to fast is:

  • Telling him what you’re looking for and asking him what he’s looking for. Don’t do this in the very beginning. Just build attraction and have fun.
  • Trying to talk and text daily
  • Over texting
  • Trying to see him more than once or twice a week in the beginning
  • Bringing up titles
  • Being too vulnerable and talking about your feeling, exes, past, and stuff he doesn’t care about (why would he? He just started talking to you. BUILD ATTRACTION FIRST…not show him your red flags and that your liabilities.

What does a guy look for in a woman? Value, benefits, emotional arousal

There are three things men look for in a woman:

  1. Are you what he is looking for? Do you want the same thing as him? Value is the benefits something has towards a particular goal. If he sees that you’re a confident, fun, awesome, attractive, chick who is a blast and knows how to build sexual tension and keep his interest, he is sure that a lot of guys are after you and that makes you scarce. Scarcity equals value. He’s going to want to take you off the market.
  2. The number one indicator on if a guy is going to stay with you or not is if he truly believes that his life is better with you in it than without. What benefits do you add that other women cannot? You also raise your benefits by lowering your risk or cons to dating you.

Benefits (Pros)

Risk (Cons)

1.       Making him want to be a better man

2.       Adding value

3.       Attractive

4.       Have your shit together

5.       Fun to talk to

6.       No pressure

7.       Sexy and can build sexual tension

8.       Feminine energy

1.       Needy

2.       Clingy

3.       Too much too soon

4.       Don’t have your shit together

5.       Dramatic and always fight

6.       Too emotional

7.       Can’t build sexual tension

8.       In your masculine energy


Women ask me all the time, “Why doesn’t he come back? Why doesn’t he miss me?”

And the answer is simple: He sees no benefit to coming back to you. If you want a guy to miss you and come back, he has to see the benefits of coming back and not the cons or risk. He knows what he’s going to get when he comes back and thinks to himself:

“I really like her but she’s too needy and clingy. All we do is fight and if I did start taking to her again, I wouldn’t want to jump into a relationship immediately but I feel she’s going to pressure me into it anyway.”

So he weighs out the pros and cons and realizes it’s better to cut his losses and to find another girl.

Stop Texting So Much!

how to get a guy to like you

Texting KILLS attraction. If you want to get a guy to text you back, texting him is not the way to do it. YOU WIN MEN OVER IN PERSON! If you want him to text you, you must have built the attraction previously and the desire for him to want you.

If you start to text too much, it does two things:

  • Comes off as a red flag (a red flag is just a normal action taken to the extreme).
  • It starts to get boring, feel like a chore, an obligation, and he starts to associate it with you. It becomes a hassle and he will begin to take you for granted.

You can text minimally here and there but if you’re trying to hold conversations over text, you’re going to lose him. Texting is to fill in gaps and create dates. That is it.

Closing proximity and breaking barriers is the best way on how to turn a guy on

Men are sexual, visual, and physical by nature. Add this to the fact that attraction is built through progression, growth, and escalation and you got yourself a recipe for success.

If you want to win a guy over and get him to like you, you need to know how to escalate. That doesn’t mean you have to be sexual. However, just having conversation without any other dimensions or depth gets really boring really fast.

Both sexes know that closing the distance between each other creates attraction. It’s that “electric” chemistry feeling. You just feel it when you start to touch and close in on each other. I don’t care if you kiss him or not. But grabbing his arm when you’re walking (not his hand), looking deep in his eyes when you two are close, letting him put his hand on your lower back screams attractions.

If you want to get a guy to like you, use his own masculine nature in your favor. Let him know he’s winning you over by thanking him, letting him take the lead, and being in your feminine. Laugh at his jokes, flirt, hit him on the arm if he says a smart-ass remark. It just feeds the fire.

Easy Way To Get A Guy To Like You Without Him Knowing It

The reasons why men pull away and why men commit are two different things

The reason a man pulls away from you and the reason he wants to be your boyfriend are two completely different reasons. If a guy pulls away, he sees you as a risk and you show too many red flags. He feels it’s not worth it. If he doesn’t commit but is sticking around, you’re not showing any red flags BUT you’re also not showing him you’re a worthy investment. You must raise your value more and get him to invest if want him to take the leap.

Build value first, get him to invest, then try to make him your boyfriend

With that being said, I think women go about attracting men all wrong. They put the cart before the horse. They try to get a guy to commit and be her boyfriend when it reality they need to build value first. If you build value, he will invest. If he invest, he will feel more attraction. If he feels this strong attraction for you, he will want to be your boyfriend.

how to get a boyfriend

How To Get Instant Advantage Over The Guy You Like So He Wants You To Be His Girlfriend


Control the availability. Don’t look like you’re on his beckon call. Have a life of your own. It creates more value. You can see him a lot in the beginning but don’t overdo it. Don’t take advantage of the momentum from all his initiating interest or you’re going to scare him once and bring the serious vibe out too soon. Don’t over tax the system. Learn to coast and build over time.

A great analogy of this is you watching your favorite movie repeatedly. As much as you love the movie and may pay attention to it in the beginning, over time, you’re going to take it for granted. You’re going to know what to expect, give it less attention, and before you know it you’re up making food, going to the bathroom, and texting, while not bothering to pause it. You’re not going to treat it as your favorite movie anymore. It’s going to play in the background while you go about your life.

It’s okay to see a guy fast the first two times to get him attached but after that you may want to slow it down.


You must see see things from his perspective. If you don’t you’re only going to worry about your outcome, gameplan, and wants. That means you’re missing out on 50% of the equation. Think about what he wants, what you would do in his situation, and use this intel to your advantage.

Also, don’t get to attached to him. Come off as I want you but I don’t need you.

FAQS About Getting A Guy To Like You

Here are some extra questions I am sure you have about getting a boyfriend or a guy to like you.

What are signs a guy likes you? How can I tell if he has a crush on me?

What if he pulls away? How do I get him back after he pulled away?

I personally believe if a guy pulls away, you should let him. If you don’t then you’re going to come off clingy. There is a reason he’s pulling away. Don’t fight it. Instead, let him pull away slightly. Show him you’re not dependent on him. Give his brain time to miss you. The last thing you want to do is to try to convince someone to come back to you when they’re in the mindset of pulling away. It’s only going to cause tension.

With that being said, if he pulled away and it’s been 3-4 days, I would reach back out to him. I’d keep it short and simple, strike up a little conversation, and then try to make a date for several days in advance. If he says yes, then great! If he says not, then leave the ball in his court by telling him that’s okay and to get back to you when he knows his schedule. if he doesn’t respond, wait another 3-4 days before repeating the process. If he gives you some excuse again, say the same thing but this time, never reach out again. That means if he doesn’t reach out, you will never hear from him again. That is all you can do.

How long does it take to get a guy to commit and want to be my boyfriend?

1st week: He is getting the feel for you. He is seeing if you’re the right woman, if the sexual tension, and attraction is there, and if you’re fun to be around.

2nd  and 3rd week: He is building on the first week. He wants to see if this is a safe investment. He wants to see the red flags and risk if there are any. He starts to weigh the pros and cons.

4th week: In my opinion, this is when a guy knows if he likes you and if he wants to be your boyfriend. That doesn’t mean he will say he likes you but this is when he knows you’re a dating option.

5th week: Same as week 4. However, he is buying time. Still may be afraid to make a commitment but does like you.

6-8th week: If a guy hasn’t said anything about dating you yet, this is when I think the woman should bring it up. Don’t worry about scaring him or him pulling away. If he does at this stage, he had no intentions on dating you.

When should I bring up titles? When should I ask him if he likes me?

Around the 6-8 week mark from the first date. Any earlier and you may scare him away. Any later and he is taking advantage of you.


There you ladies go. There is a quick rundown on how to get a guy to like you and how to tell if a guy doesn’t like you. Let me know below in the comments if there is anything I should add because I have no problem updating this article to help you get an idea on what to look for.

how to get a boyfriend



What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 32-year-old who loves to read, write, and play games. Yes, I have a life outside of giving advice :)

24 thoughts on “Dating Coach’s Guide: How To Get A Guy To Like You. How To Get A Boyfriend

  1. Hi Elliot!
    I want to thank you for your advice. You are helping me to build my value. It would really make me happy of you could specifically address dating a loner. I am not a loner but dating someone who is a “low key” loner as they describe it. Sometimes the lines get blurred between pulling away or just wanting to be by himself for reasons beyond me. He normally takes 3-4 days to contact back. Always pleasant and wanting to see me after those few days. But I am a more consistent person. How can a woman tell if the guy just likes his space or just being a jerk? Sometimes I think, how can he be a jerk when he’s investing time and money? It’s weird because I’ve seen the caring and hilarious side but also the I just want everyone to leave me alone side.

    Thanks to your guidance, when he does initiate contact after a few days I don’t respond right away. If I can wait 3-4 days, then you waiting a day is fair IMO!! LOL.

    P.S- whenever he texts and I haven’t responded by that night, I always get a double message first thing that next morning.

    1. He’s not interested. Don’t let him bullshit you. If he’s not contacting you for 4 days and then comes back around all chipper, he’s doing it based on his convenience. That’s a “ME” mindset not “WE”

  2. Hello Elliot, (warning long post haha)
    I love how you break down all the steps you must follow and no sugar coating on anything which is what us girls need.
    So my problem is that I met this guy online. We matched last year in November but we stopped talking and we matched again earlier this year and well
    We hit it off right away. We have so much in common and I feel I can be myself with him and he looks like he’s totally comfortable with me.
    We didn’t meet up in person until a month later because he was in Vietnam with his best friends from the US. (We live in Taiwan)He lives in another city
    that is about 2 hours away so it’s not like extremely far. So I thought he wouldn’t text me during his trip, but he texted me every single day. And we both love architecture so he’s always sending me post of stuff he thinks I might like and I do the same. And by the third week he told me he liked me. He was being flirty about something physical and then he said, but that’s not why I like you, I like you because you’re smart, have genuine thought, similar interests, you’re beautiful and you’re not simple nor am I. This really got me by surprised cuz I wasn’t expecting anything from this. And normally I do everything backwards.. Sleep too soon with the guy and don’t know much about him. But with him we had the chance to really get to know each other before anything. And the beauty of this is that I felt that if it wasn’t going to be anything else I could see myself being friends with him. We were supposed to meet after he came back but a last minute business trip came up, still was texting me every chance he could. One day a friend of his told me something that I felt was very inappropriate and I got super pissed. They had been drinking, and he said right away shit I’m sorry that wasn’t me. I would never say something like that. And he freaked out cuz I started to ignore him and he kept texting to the point where he asked if he could call me. I let him and we talked and well it was great. So anyways I had to work the day he was coming back but he said we could hang out and then he could wait for me after I got out of work if everything was cool with us. And since he finished work early he rescheduled his flight to a day early to come meet me instead of staying in Tokyo. He came straight from the airport. He was very tired of traveling for 3 weeks so he told me he rather just do something chill. We went to drink wine at a botanical garden we had so much fun. I had cooked but I didn’t think he would want to eat home seeming it was our first time seeing each other, but he loved it. We kept talking and drinking wine and at one point he started staring and me and smile, I had not seen anyone look at me that way in years. At one point he stopped me and said he had to kiss me. It was great, we didn’t have sex and I’m glad. I’m pretty sure we both wanted. But he said he had to leave because he had to work the next day. Before he left we agreed on seeing each other next Friday because I was going to his town since my sister lives close and was graduating. He left and told me how he had a great time. The next day I was freaking out a bit because I didn’t receive a text all day until 6 pm.. Turns out work was super busy for him. His father has a coffee grinder company and he is in charge of a lot of stuff here. Everything was great that week, we saw each other but I had to lie to my mom about seeing him because she would ask too many questions and we are not anything for me to tell her about him. I don’t know if that might have turned him off or something(I don’t live with my mom she was just town visiting for my sister’s graduation). I mean that night we had an amazing time. But again we didn’t have sex. He told me that night I like you because you’re not super nice, you’re not boring and I enjoy spending time with you, otherwise I wouldn’t text you or anything. (All this while being drunk haha) and again he would just stop stalking at moments and just stare at me and I would blush so hard. The next day was my sister’s graduation so we didn’t see each other but I did tell him I wanted to see him before I left his city. He said that’d be great but I will have to let you know because I do have some plans already but they’re not nailed down yet. So I was like alright. Next day I made the mistake of sending my mom and brother back to my city and I stayed.
    Waiting for him to tell me, so when we talked that day I asked him if he was free to hang out otherwise I would just chill a little longer and leave. He said I’m waiting for my friend to call me back but I will let you know soon. Then he told me he was going to the gym with his buddy and that we should hang out another time. I felt so stupid for staying.. And thought maybe he didn’t want to see me. After that day I’ve been feeling he’s been a bit distant
    Sort of pulling away. However I should mention that he is leaving for a month back to the US so work got incredible busy the week. He did text me a couple of times saying good morning so on so forth. And he did say he wanted to see after he was back from the US. But the texting got less and less. And I felt thing were a little different. He did tell me work load got heavier because he’s leaving but I don’t know.. I’m just so used to things getting fucked up with guys for me that I was just feeling hes pulling away. I invited him to come to my city last Saturday to a pool party he said he’ll see how the week turned out and let me know. He never did, so I got a bit pissed and then Saturday morning he texted me to ask how the pool party. We didn’t talk much and on Sunday we didn’t talk at all. Monday I decided to drop a simple good morning hope you have a good day at work. He said hello and asked me about myself. And then I asked him about him and he said he was super exhausted because he hadn’t been sleeping much or eating well. I assume it’s because of work.
    So I’ve been freaking out like crazy thinking I might have done something wrong.. Should I just try to give him some space and see if texts me when he’s just relaxing going back home not working?
    I feel I have really done things right this time, because he’s been responsive, I have tried to not be clingy, and I haven’t slept with him yet which is a mistake I make alwaysss before getting to know the guy better.
    Thank you and sorry for the long email.

  3. Hey Elliot,

    I need your help please. There’s this guy that Ive been dating for 3 months. We were happy but in between,there has been arguments. He has been very open with his phone and while browsing a month back, I found out that he has been back on dating apps when we argue, he would like the girls and say hi and when they reply him, he doesnt reply back. He would search them up on facebook but not add them and stuff. When i confronted him, he said it was an ego boost to know that girls like him and he had no intention of cheating. He wanted a relationship at the start but i told him to give me 6months plus as I wasnt ready. After i found out, we had a few arguments but he was still keen on making it work. Then one day, he suddenly started texting lesser and asking me out lesser. He said nothing was up, and when i asked repeatedly, he told me he lost a bit of feelings due to the arguments and its a little bit too late. we sat down and had a good talk, and he felt better. he still texts me everyday and calls me in between his appointments as he is a freelance property agent. He drops by during the time of the month and surprises me with chocolates. But it feels like it isnt the same anymore. He said this to me that I should go back to have a life of my own like when he first met me so he would feel more attracted to me (i probably am pretty obvious in trying to salvage the relationship). We are not officially together, and he told me its not impossible for his feelings to come back, cos the last few days, we did spend some time together in person, and he felt happier (without arguments). After i found out about the app, he gave me his passwords to his social media and deleted all his dating app accounts.

    It doesnt feel like before, like when he was super interested in me… he doesnt really reply as fast anymore. And when i asked him what I should do, he told me if im feeling alot of pain in this relationship, i should love myself and walk away. So i asked him if he is just waiting for me to end it, he says its two seperate things, him loving me and trying to make it better and me feeling so much pain while waiting for things to get better.

    Please help me.

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