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Discover This CRAZY WAY Guys Think When You Ignore Them (Especially This Last One!)

As a dating coach, I heavily study how attraction works and what makes the male mind tick. I come to learn that men get their self-worth and confidence through two things: How successful they are at their purpose or mission in life (or what they add to society) and their personal experience with attracting women. If a man can’t successfully attract a woman, by definition, he’s sterile.

That is where ignoring a guy comes in.

What Do Guys Think Of When You Ignore Them?

What a guy thinks when you ignore him is based on how much he likes you and what his intentions were with you. If he liked you a lot and you ignore him suddenly, it’s going to hurt. He’s going to dwell on it and think about getting you back. Especially if you were a source of validation for him.

The most common traits that dictate what goes through his head when you ignore him are the following:

  • How sudden or “out of nowhere” it was. No one likes to get blindsided when things are going well.
  • How much he likes you.
  • How much it contrast compared to how you usually are. For example, if you’re a pushover who lowered your standards to keep him around then all of a sudden you’re just tired of his crap and block him, that will catch him off guard.
  • What his intentions were with you. Just because he didn’t want a relationship doesn’t mean ignoring him won’t work. He still wants access to your assets.
  • Validation and what he gets from you. A guy can take you for granted because you’re overly available and always willing to have sex with him. That can boost his ego. However, when you cut him off, you’re cutting off a source of intimacy and validation which can have a powerful effect on him.

The two MOST important things that dictate what goes through his head though are his interest level and if he’s able to fill the void again.

Women a lot of the time want to get revenge on a guy by ignoring him so he realizes what he’s losing. However, while that may work, if the guy was pulling away anyway or doing things that caused you to ignore him, how much will ignoring him actually hurt?

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ignore him. If a guy is taking advantage of you and you spoke up about the realistic standards you’d like him to meet such as not going large gaps of not communicating, and he doesn’t do it, it’s time for you to pull back. He will take you for granted if you don’t.

The Type of Men Ignoring Will Work On And What They Think

Here is my infamous chart I use for the TIMING on when to pull away. I am posting it here because it is still in correlation with the amount of attraction he has for you:

You obviously always want to pull away when his attraction is strong for you. THAT DOES NOT MEAN TO PULL AWAY JUST TO PULL AWAY. THAT IS DRAMATIC AS HELL. Only ignore a guy and pull away if he’s playing some bullshit game, you called him out, and he is still playing games. Ignoring a guy should be a last result type of action.

I usually like to attraction in 3 types of categories (there could be 5 but this is easier for you to understand):

  • Those who are not that interested in you, to begin with (guys that are below 51% on the interest level).
  • Those who are interested in you (guys who fall between the 52%-79% interest level).
  • Those who truly value you (guys who are above the 80% interest level).

If you decide to play mind games and ignore a guy, you need to know that it will only work on men between 52-79%. The higher the number between those two digits, the more effective it will be. However, I learned that it gets to a point where the higher the number, the less likely him pulling some stupid crap is going to happen. For example, I don’t see a guy at 79% interest level playing a lot of games.

Here are the kinds of results that you can expect to get:

  • Guys who are below 51% on interest levels will not care: If anything, you will be doing him a huge favor. He will simply fade off and not care about trying to understand why you are ignoring him. in fact, the reason you’re probably ignoring him is due to him constantly letting you down in terms of investing in you, valuing your, respecting you, and so on. This guy will not think about anything when you ignore him.
  • Guys that are between 52% and 79% will want to understand why: The closer to 52% the less likely he’s going to care but there are times where guys in the 60% and 70% take a woman for granted or are talking to another woman who isn’t in the picture anymore and all of a sudden freakout and try to wonder why you’re ignoring them. This guy is going to think many things when you ignore him such as how to get you back, if he’s replaced, how to fill the void he has now, and probably reach out more in an attempt to hook you.
  • Try not to ignore guys who are above 80% on the interest level: In fact, I don’t think these guys will ignore you. I already know what you’re thinking though and it’s wrong:

You’re probably thinking/reflecting on all these amazing things this guy did in the beginning which made you believe he is so amazing and interested in you and now you’re wondering why he’s acting differently all of a sudden. For that, I want you to read this article. It’s very important:

MUST-READ: Why Men Ignore You All Of A Sudden Out Of Nowhere

Here is a little reality check for women who think their guy is super interested just because of stuff he did before and not now:

MUST-READ: He Likes You But Does He Appreciate You? Here Is Why Not… 

The Process On What A Guy Thinks When You Ignore Him (What Goes Through His Head)

Based on how much a guy likes you, it goes through steps or stages. If he likes you a lot, he will immediately go through the steps on how to get you back. Maybe he took you for granted, wasn’t sure what he wanted but liked you, or other things.

If a guy didn’t’ like you that much or wasn’t sure what he wanted with you in general, there are going to be more steps. The reason there are more steps is due to more liabilities. What that means is the guy is thinking, “Is this thing we have worth reinvesting in?” 

If the answer is yes, he will reach out. If the answer is no, he will let you go. what formula for him to reach out to you (or attraction in general) is:

Assets – Liabilities = Attraction

Simple I know but it’s very powerful All attraction is based on these two things. If you’re interested in maximizing assets or even knowing what are the top assets for men while lowering the liabilities that keep him from committing, I HIGHLY suggest you check out my course Attraction Academy.

It goes into great detail on everything dealing with building lasting attraction.

To help you understand better what men think about when you ignore them, I developed a little chart:

It comes down to attraction! I have seen plenty of times where ignoring a guy works. I would have clients come to me ignoring a guy and I tell her she’s doing it all wrong. With a couple of fixes and pivots, the guy ends up coming back within a month. However, I have seen ignoring a guy not work in the woman’s favor. Either her timing was off, the attraction was too low, or she ignored him to get a reaction out of him and get him back.

Listen ladies, I know you’re not going to like this because 99% of you are here for this exact reason:

If you’re ignoring a guy in hopes to get him to realize your value and come crawling back, you already lost. That is not the reason to ignore a guy. The reason to ignore a guy is to cut him out of your life because you’re a high-value woman. High-value women don’t ignore dudes who don’t notice a good thing when it’s in front of them in the hopes to get him back. Desperate women who don’t have options do.

I know that is harsh to hear but the reason it doesn’t work is basic psychology: people don’t change as fast or as easy as you think they do. The mind always goes toward the path of least resistance.

The means if you think ignoring him is going to change his behavior, it’s not. How does that change his behavior when all he had to do is say sorry, invest more, and he got you right back? Remember, you don’t ignore a dude as the first line of defense. It’s the last option. You already put up with his crap. You already called him out for his mind games, You already questioned him on why he’s acting differently. After all that, if he is still pulling some crap to the point where you have to ignore him, I don’t think ignoring him is going to fix the problem. At least if the attraction is low. If the attraction is high, it is a different story. But that is a small minority of you.

I guess you will have to ignore him to see.  Either way, it’s worth ignoring the guy if he can’t communicate, be honest, or uphold your basic request.

I just don’t like women ignoring men to get men back because it puts you in a weak position of negotiation. You may have this hard outer shell where you displaying power by ignoring a guy but that is just a mask. Deep down you wan the guy. however, what about what he wants? He is already playing games to the point where you ignore ehim so how bad does he actually want you? He ain’t wearing no mask. If he did come back after all that, I am willing to bet it’s more for his personal gain than it is an actual relationship. As I said earlier, men just don’t wake up one day and change. At least, the average guy doesn’t.

With that being said, I think I touched heavily on what a guy thinks when you ignore him. It’s based on what he gets out of reaching back out and his actual attraction for you. If he likes you, he will go crazy. If he doesn’t, you’re probably doing him a favor.


What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 32-year-old who loves to read, write, and play games. Yes, I have a life outside of giving advice :)

65 thoughts on “Discover This CRAZY WAY Guys Think When You Ignore Them (Especially This Last One!)

  1. So my boyfriend and I been together for a year and 3 months . We have a soon to be 3 month old and he recently cheated on me and left to go stay at his mothers to help her with his sister but I didn’t want him
    To go but he did it anyways and we met up and spoke about why he did it and he just blamed me for everything . And ever since then he been really distant ignoring me
    Days and nights . Went places with his mom and sisters didnt even tell me about it . I even asked him if we can spend time together he said he don’t want to . But he says he loves me and wants to be with me , but his actions are saying different . I commented on a picture on his Instagram and he turned off the comments . Then I confront him about it and he takes it as I’m just arguing with him and he even lies about that he didn’t do it . That it been off I told him how I feel and all he did was send me a picture where it said no one who works 40 hours a week wanna come home to arguments , after that night I been ignoring him today is the 2nd day and he been texting me but I’m still ignoring him , and he even said really that is what we doing now .

  2. Hi Elliot! I’m in a very different situation than most girls right now and I could really use an outside perspective. I’m 6 months happily divorced and he is my currently single close friend of 20 years. We regularly talK on the phone for many hours at a time and text each other daily. We have both now confessed our romantic love for one another BUT we live 2000 miles apart and he sends mixed signals ny not always replying or calling when he says he will. There are of course many more details that are too much to write in a comment but I’m confused and not sure how to handle the situation. I’ve always loved him and nothing would make me happier than for us to finally be together – our mutual friends are too close to give me good advice. HELP – I don’t understand the way he acts sometimes and I don’t know how to show him how serious I am about us.

    1. I’ve been in the same limbo with a situation like this for 6/7 years now. I would advise you to walk away early and find someone else. These hot and cold / mixed signals mean they will never really commit to you or they already would have on some level. These types of men (or any man for that matter) will commit to someone early on; if they feel it is the right person ….. your not it and I’m not it. The best advice i can give you is start pulling away / going cold, mirror his actions. You should never give a man more attention than they give you, your attention and time is worth something and unless they show you something to offer that time and attention up DO NOT GIVE IT. Now ill go back to not taking my own advice ….. serious eye roll. Best of luck girl. Hoping it works out better for you than it is me!

  3. He is 52-75% interest level and did exactly what you said here. I messed it up I should’ve just ignored him forever.
    After we talked and we met couple times again, his LDR ex gf took him back but he still texted me and asked me out.
    I confronted him told him stop contacting me until he’s single again. I ignore his last message and now we don’t talk he doesn’t text me for few weeks.

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  6. I ignored a guy for a year and a half!

    We knew each other professionally and I got the sense he was torn. So I decided cut ALL contact. Then I went to see him again after all that time and LET ME TELL YOU, he was on his best (and flirtiest!) behavior.

    I think my plan worked. I wanted him to know that he could lose me and that I wouldn’t just be there just as a backup.

    As to why he didn’t contact me in the meantime, that is a very complicated story. He couldn’t. But, I got back some of my power by showing him I wasn’t just a pushover who would always be there and he had to use the opportunity with me when it was available–because I could take it away at any time.

    When you are flirting/dating/etc. guys should know that you could leave at ANY time if they don’t please you!

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