After talking to a lot of my clients, it seems you all have no problem with initially getting a guy. For the most part, the guy is always showing interest in the beginning, initiating, and texting the hell out of you. That is great. Over time though, things seem to change. He’s not as accessible as he used to be. This has you in a panic. You wonder what you did wrong, how he feels, ad the anticipation on where this thing is going is driving you insane!
No worries. Today, I am going to help you get a guy hooked. I mean hooked long-term. The kind where this guy can’t stop thinking about you.
The best way to do this is to get my course. I will go into detail on things here but I could never go into as much detail on some topics as I do in Attraction Academy. In there, you will find things you have never seen on the internet.
Okay, let’s learn how to get a man to chase you and want you long-term!
Want Him To Chase You? You’ll Need A Few Things First
This video is going to sum up a lot of what I am going to talk about in this article but I am going to go into more detail on some concepts:
The Lower The Man’s Value, The More Successful The Chase(To An Extent)
I am going to get a lot of crap for this but it’s the truth:
Lower value men (LVM) react differently to certain tactics than higher value men (HVM). When I talk about value, I don’t mean broken men versus healthy/eligible men. I am talking more about Sexual Market Value and our cliche but universally recognized number placements (1-10). Men with higher numbers will not fall for the same things because they don’t need to. They’re highly sought after whereas lower value men are more of the “offers.” They’re willing and offering themselves to you.
This is due to not being able to compete with HVM. They don’t have the same resources or attributes these 10’s have. If they did, they’d be 10’s. This causes two things to happen:
They will be more likely to play mind games. If you want a complete guide on his mind games and how to beat him, I have a link to that right here. Make sure to check that out as it’s very important to understand why a man does what he does.
Due to him being more of an offeror, he’s going to be more likely to chase especially if the girl plays the game right and builds the illusion that he is close to getting what he wants.
It’s all about supply, demand, and trying to get the best a man can get. If a man feels he can get something that is in the realms of what HVM can get, he’s going to chase. That’s just how it is.
On the other hand, if he’s an HVM, the tactics don’t work as well. He’s not a chaser. He doesn’t need to. All women want a man of great stature who actually wants a relationship! If he can offer that and have great assets attached to him, he’s golden. He’s just going to look for an HVW in return.
What Is Considered High Value?
That is based on your wants, your own number, and what you’re looking for. If you’re a 5, then a 6-7 is good for you. If you’re a 9, a 9-10 is looking good in your eyes. Never strive for lower as it’s going to hurt you in the long run because of the concept of Mate Value Discrepancy. If you are a 9 and he is a 6, he’s going to go down three paths to even out the number gap (yes, this is a true concept):
-He’s going to do whatever it takes to boost his number such as bettering himself. This obviously is the best option.
-He’s going to bring you down through negs, neglect, and emotional abuse. In this study I found on Sage Journal, they say that “Perpetrators of strong transgressions felt more shame the higher in mate value their partner as compared to them.” We just don’t want to be outshined and the thought of us losing you to a higher value man is going to be in the back of the mind.
-He’s going to find other ways to get validation if he feels insecure with you.
It’s also subjective. Some people use this rating scale strictly for looks when I don’t think that should be the case. There are so many things that dictate attractiveness. For example, while I do think men need to be sexually attracted to women they want a long-term relationship with, that importance starts to take up less of a percentage as if, let’s say, she was a short-term fling. Longevity benefits more from an attractive woman with a great personality. It comes down to sustainability.
There Has To Be Initial Interest On His Part
I know you wish that you can get him to chase you out of thin air despite a lack of attraction/after you made a bunch of mistakes but that is not a thing. For there to be any form of chasing, there has to be some type of desire
When I talk about desire, that doesn’t necessarily mean he has to have strong feelings for you. Although, that will be nice.
It is more that he has to have a strong desire for an asset that you have. There has to be something he’s just not wanting to let go easily. If he was able to let it go easily, why would he chase? What is keeping him from finding these things in another woman? What is keeping him from detaching himself from you once he realizes you cause him more pain by not obtaining the thing he wants?
If you want the best way possible to hook a guy, seriously, check out my course. Everything you need and more is all bundled up. You just have to push play and listen.
So what kind of things are guys interested in?
Men love elusivity in the manner of, “I want it to be easy for me to get but harder for other men.” That is why it’s very important to set the difficulty on him obtaining you to your and his own value.
For example, if you’re a 10, he likes you just as much, and he’s an LVM, you can probably make him jump through a hell of a lot more loops than a woman who is a 7, he’s a 7, and doesn’t exactly know what he wants. This is a concept a lot of women miss. You can’t just make a guy jump through loops because you want to see how far you can push him. It comes down to assets versus liabilities. Men will eventually ask, “Are the assets worth the cost (liabilities) to obtain it? Yes, men think this. It’s all economical. Resources are finite so he’s not just going to throw them at a woman if he doesn’t see a return on investment.
Going back to elusiveness, you must dangle that carrot in front of him. ONLY give it to him if you think:
-He’s genuine in his actions
-He wants a relationship
-He’s progressing towards one
-He is showing effort over time.
Give in any earlier than this will result in him taking advantage of you.
Other Concepts That Help Make A Man Chase
The more things you have in your favor the better. I think too many women focus on simple concepts that while important, are things every woman, in some way can give a guy…
For example, women come to me all the time and say,
“Elliot we had such good chemistry though. We got along so well.”
I don’t know how it is for women but for men, we can create chemistry with a lot of women. Not only that, I think a lot of women focus on the stuff that any other woman could give a man such as looks and personality.
Don’t get me wrong, looks and personality are a must but the thing is, they’re subjective and no matter how hot and cool you think you are, there are women out there who are hot, cooler, AND there are men who will probably disagree with how hot and cool you are.
What I am trying to say is, yes, work on personality and looks as they’re important but if they’re your value proposition, just know other girls can give him the same thing.
If you want to know what to focus on to hook men, get my course.
Below are some external things I believe that if the man believes and/or are put into his head, will get him to chase.
You’re Out Of His League
Being out of his league is one thing. Being out of his league but he thinks he can get you because you’re giving the illusion is another.
Men strive to get the best they can get for a variety of reasons. I would say half of them have to do with him desiring you and the other have to do with the benefits of obtaining someone with higher praise. Let me leave the list below:
|His Desire||Additional Benefits|
If you’re out of a dude’s lead and HE BELIEVES you’re out of his lead, you have a lot of power in your hands. There is this story from the World’s leading evolutionary psychologist, David Buss, where he was talking to one of his colleagues and she was wondering why the guys she wants don’t want her and why the guys she doesn’t want always chase her. He told her in a very straightforward and honest answer,
“The guys you want are 10’s, you’re an 8, and the guys chasing you are lustful 6s.”
That cannot be any more accurate.
Logically, there is no reason for us to chase someone if we believe them to be a lower number. So if that is the case, you’re always going to do better if the guy is interested, you’re out of his league, and he has some void to fill.
A lot of the time though, women are chasing men who don’t even want relationships! Then wonder why they’re getting played and used. I will say it thousands of times in my line of work: After 8 dates, if he’s not ready to give you a relationship, move on. Waiting around is the worst thing you can do.
He Doesn’t Have Quality Options
If a man doesn’t have quality options, he is going to be willing to invest more in you. One is too close to zero and the male sexual strategy is to focus more on quantity. If he has no option, that cuts deeper than you think. It’s more than not having anyone to hook up with or commit to. Men look at it as there must be something wrong with them ESPECIALLY if he’s trying to get someone.
This means a guy is going to try to do a lot to keep you around as your value goes up. That doesn’t mean to only talk to guys who don’t have options. They probably don’t have options for a reason. But it is a nice thing when you do find a quality guy who maybe is new to the area, is a workaholic and is now finding time to date, and so on.
In contrast, when a man does have quality options, it’s probably due to having a strong game, having qualities that women want, and strong assets. This man is much less likely to chase as he doesn’t need to. If you’re a woman he’s been talking to for 1-5 months, you don’t really have enough real estate for him to desperately crave you if this is a quality guy with options. Not saying it can’t happen because it can. But it’s an uphill battle.
I tell women this all the time and it sounds harsh but it’s the truth (I say it to guys too):
“What makes you so special that he’s willing to give up all other women to date you?”
This is a true statement. While I do think men today have very unrealistic standards on what a woman should be like, that doesn’t mean men aren’t hesitant to commit because they like to see what is out there.
To get a guy hooked who has a lot of options, you have to be high quality. And due to men having very unrealistic expectations, I don’t even know if it’s worth it.
He’s Too Close To The Prize To Give Up
Trust me, if a guy feels he’s close to getting what he wants, he’s not going to give up easily. It’s no different than the gambling analogy where someone is going to lose a lot and they’re trying to break even so they keep investing.
We want the prize.
We want to see our investment pay off.
If he believes that he invested a lot into you, desires you, and is close to it paying off, he’s going to stick around. Men are resourceful creatures. We use resources to get advantages.
Losing to you after investing a lot also messes with a man’s ego and pride. That will keep a man hooked for a good while. It’s our downfall.
However, what really happens, in the real world is you all give in too easy. Where is what my average client tells me,
“Elliot, I have watched your videos and I know where I made mistakes. I hear you say all the time that a guy is going to initiate hard in the beginning and he did. This guy would be all over me, chase me, blow up my phone, and asking to see me. Where I messed up though, I realized after watching your videos, is you tell us that the guy is going to go 0-100 mph and NOT TO FOLLOW at the same pace. Do you know what I did though? I went along with it. He just seemed so genuine and nice and everything was going well I didn’t think much of it.”
It’s not necessarily bad to go along with things with a guy. You should if it feels natural. It’s the pace that concerns me. It’s not natural going as fast as a lot of men tend to do. You must slow it down. If you don’t, it’s equivalent to him getting a “good deal” or the most bang for his buck in terms of his investment on his resources. There is no reason for him to chase then. Why? Because subconsciously, you go along with things at such an extreme pace tells him that you like him a ton. Otherwise, why go along with it?
Let me go into what I think are 3 big extremes that will help women get men to chase.
Tip #1: End Things On Your Terms
This doesn’t always mean giving him an ultimatum. That is the end result that should only be brought up after 2 months or 8 dates. It is more of a concept we will dive into but examples of it would be:
-Ending calls/text first
-Not being reactionary
-If he calls you out and you two argue, you have more of a freedom of outcome on the situation. As in, you don’t care near as much.
These tactics are not good if you’re in a happy healthy relationship with someone who is a good communicator and is actually trying to make the relationship work. These tactics are more for men who manipulate, trying to get a rise out of you, want the assets without commitment, trying to have their cake and eat it too, and so on.
One of the theories, why this works well, is, if the guy has the initial two things we talked about in the beginning (feelings, and a lower ego), they get a lot of power ending things on their turn. They get validation from knowing they ended it on their terms and believe you’re sitting there wondering what the hell went wrong. They know you want to fix it. It’s in your nature to fix it. You’re a better communicator. It’s so important for women to understand this. How LVM will use your own physiological makeup and hardwiring against you. Whether they do it on purpose or not, it happens naturally. And if you’re sitting around begging for him to come back, trying to constantly fix things, or investing more than he does while he’s sitting back the whole time, the context favors him. It tells him he doesn’t need to worry.
However, if the woman has this “I don’t give a shit anymore” vibe and calls the guy’s bluff by being serious about walking about and giving these assets to another man, it may feel like his tricks will backfire on him. This will not work on all men. Healthy good-hearted men? No. If he’s a piece of shit who has a lack of options and likes what you offer? Yes.
In a nutshell, here are the reasons it works”
Tip #2: Understanding Value And Negotiation
There are two very important concepts you need to know in order to make everything I teach in this article to work:
- The one with the strongest negotiation power is the one who is willing to walk away AND MEAN IT if they don’t get what they want.
- A man must desire what you offer/you must hook him or he will never sit and negotiate anything.
Yes, both of these things need to be present at all times. If not, you can’t negotiate efficiently.
There are two concepts I want to touch on that I talk about extensively: Negotiation and renegotiation.
Everything you two do and say is a form of negotiation. For example, I use this in almost all my videos but if you and a guy are FWB and you tell him one night that you like him and want a relationship but he responds with no, you should walk away there. However, you decide to come back over the next time he asks and continue to hook up with him. By your actions, you negotiated that you’re okay with FWB. This is because you lowered your standards. You told him what you wanted, didn’t’ get it but continued to hook up with him so now he can SAFELY ASSUME that you’re okay with FWB because you continued to hook up with him after he turned you down.
That is a good example of negotiation.
Renegotiation is when you two-part for whatever reason and then get back together. There should be a new negotiation before even talking again because if not, the thing that pulled you two apart is going to happen again. So an example of this is let’s say he’s bad at texting and it bothered you so you pulled away. However, he reaches out a week later and says he misses you. You SHOULD NOT accept him back before telling him that his bad texting habits are not okay. Tell him that if he wants to come back, you need more consistency. This must happen in order to get what you want because now if he accepts coming back to you, he knows the new standard. Women don’t do this though or if they do, the guy does well for the first week then goes back into bad habits. If that is the case, she needs to call him out and leave.
If you’re not able to do any of this, you dramatically lower your value.
Tip #3: Mastering Timing Of Your Actions
Holy crap. So many of you are bad at the timing when you’re supposed to do the things I teach. I talk about pulling away and women do it too early. Or a guy starts to pull away then she begins to pull away out of reaction which is too late. I am going to give you a graph that tells you in a nutshell when you should pull away.
The green bar resembles his positive attraction for you. This is his attraction going up, things are escalating, and everything is going well between you two. In contrast, the red bar is a decline in his attraction for you.
The quadrants indicate when you should pull away and why:
Too Early: If you try to pull away here, he’s not going to stick around and chase. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t believe the investment in you is enough for him to miss much. Can he still miss and chase? Absolutely. I have seen it plenty of time actually. I am speaking more in a logical sense that it’s easier to get over someone and talk to someone else if it happened early before anything was truly established.
YES!: This is the perfect time to pull away if you decide to. The attraction is at its peak, the investment is there, and he really likes you. NOTE: Despite showing you this, I don’t think yo should pull away. There is no reason to. You’re just playing games. Why would you pull away if things are going well? That would be extremely toxic and probably a red flag. I am just showing you this to show when would be an optimal time to do so. I know you won’t believe me, but I am not a fan of games. I am just telling you EVERYTHING in this article for educational purposes.
Nope!: This is why I initially made the graph. Women pull away reactionary. At the same time, this is understandable since I am telling you it’s not a good idea to pull away beforehand because things seem to be going well. My whole theory with the reactionary thing is don’t give him the satisfaction. If things seem different, bing it up, and see what is on his mind. If you can tell things are different and he’s just talking to talk, you’re right.
Uh….you really missed the mark: Pretty self-explanatory lol.
But Elliot, What If He’s Already Pulling Away? I’m Trying To Get Him Back!
This is that self-fulfilling prophecy where I believe women do more harm than good and don’t even realize it. A lot of women I talk to do one of the following:
-Pull away to only return later
-Do this X day of no contact bs they hear from other dating coaches then reach out again.
-Stick around hoping the guy changes
-Try to convince the guy to return
-Take him back immediately when he comes back around
Yea. This doesn’t work. There is no reason for him to take you seriously here. Why? Why should he? If he truly believes he can have you at any point and/or you come back after X days of not talking to him, why in the hell does he have to make a decision to be with you? Where in the hell are you going? You showed him that he has you.
Going back to what I said about negotiation: if he’s already pulling away and you’re sticking around, you have no negotiation power. Your actions are showing him where you stand and what he can do. He knows he still has access to you. There are two types of access:
The first one is the one that we are all familiar with. It’s when someone pulls away and doesn’t talk to you. In that moment in time, you don’t have access to them whether someone is doing no-contact or done altogether.
The second type, the one most men feel, is the feeling of accessibility. Based on the context, some men believe that even after you pull all the tactics, he can still have you whenever he pleases. He just has to come back around and talk your walls down.
So listen ladies, there is no magic pill. The best thing to do is call his bluff and not wait around.You’re doing yourself a disservice and if you think his feelings are going to change by you sicking through what downtime you two have, that isn’t going to happen. In fact, you will be put on the backburner because while you’re waiting, he’s talking to someone else already.
There you go, ladies! Let me know what you think or any questions you have down in the comments. If you need more help, make sure to check out my course. I go into great detail there.