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Why Do Guys Ignore You All Of A Sudden? (It’s Not As Clear As You Think)

To suddenly get ignored is a horrible feeling. Especially when you thought things were going well and have a hard time figuring out why he’s ignoring you. I’ve been there. In fact, it drove me crazy to not have any closure on what happened that I ended up making every mistake in the book that pushed them away even further. I don’t want that to happen to you. My goal with this article is to give you as much information as possible from my own personal experience and professional knowledge so you can skip making all the mistakes I made and get your own closure if he’s not willing to give it to you.

Why Do Guys Ignore You All Of A Sudden?

Guys suddenly ignore you because they get in their own head based on the context and seriousness of the relationship. If he’s not 100% sure what he wants, he feels that complying and going along with things is telling you he’s on the same page as you when he’s not. Therefore, he pulls away in fear.

Let me go into more detail on what this means so you know how to combat it:

The two most common questions I get over this are:

  • “What do you mean by context and vibe of the relationship?”
  • “But Elliot, I didn’t even do or say anything to scare him off so why would he be getting in his own head?”

MUST-READ: The Ultimate Guide On How To Ignore A Guy So He Regrets Losing You

There are two types of context: Direct and Indirect. 

Direct Context is straightforward and hard to decipher in any other way than what is actually being said. For example, if I tell you, “I like you and think you’re awesome,” there is no other way for you to really decipher that. It’s straightforward and easy to comprehend. Could I be lying to win you over? Yes, that can happen. However, it’s either one or the other. I am lying or I am not. The phrase itself is not ambiguous.

On the other hand, indirect Context is a little more ambiguous and is arguably the main culprit on why couples aren’t on the same page or have a lot of miscommunication. I will have clients come to me and say:

“Elliot! He’s the one making all the moves. I never said anything about relationships. I never brought up titles, asked him what he was looking for, pressured him, or anything like that. What do you mean I scared him away?”

With Indirect Context, the indirect things you guys do such as talking, texting, hooking up, and so on, while is not directly saying, “I like you,” it is strongly and safely suggested. When the more things you two do layer up, the Indirect Context is becoming more clear and the guy now feels the pressure if he’s not on the same page. That is why I preach to women to get my course and master Indirect Context. It is literally the most important thing in keeping a guy around and controlling the frame of what is happening.

Direct Context Examples Indirect Context Examples
  • Words and phrases you say such as:
    • “I like you”
    • “I love you”
    • Do you like me?”
    • Where do you see this going?”
    • Either of you two saying you want/don’t want a relationship
  • The more of these things in the picture, the stronger the context:
    • Consistency
    • Frequency
    • Leaving things at each other’s homes
    • Future planning
    • “Threading ” lives together
    • Introducing family and friends
    • Hooking up
    • a lot of dates
    • Cuddling and other types of intimacy
    • Pacing
    • Initiation
    • And much more

NOTE: I am not saying creating context is wrong and that you should never do these things. That would be ridiculous. I am just telling you this because if he’s not on the same page, these things will hurt whereas if he is on the same page, that is good and will move towards a  relationship.

What Are The Reasons A Guy Ignores You All Of A Sudden?

It hurts to get ignored. What is even worse is not knowing why you’re being ignored. I have clients who come to me thinking everything is going well with the guy and then she wakes up one day and he has suddenly changed. She doesn’t know what or why. She doesn’t know if it is something she did or if he’s being honest in saying he is busy. Over time, he starts to text less, pulls away, and then stop answering you altogether. Below are the top reasons why a guy will ignore you:

He Feels Pressured By Your Actions

I talk about this a lot in my course Attraction Academy where context (the layering of actions and words over time that creates the vibe/atmosphere of the relationship) changes EVERYTHING between you two. People don’t understand that the dude you met in the beginning is a dude who is carefree and just seeing where things go. There is no pressure because there shouldn’t be. No context between you two was created.

However, you’re now going on your eight date with him, texting daily, hooking up, cuddling, saying you want a relationship, meeting his friends, leaving shit over at his place, and future planning has its effects.  it takes a toll in terms of pressure. If the guy is not ready for a relationship, he feels that if he keeps complying, he’s telling you he’s on the same page when he’s not. Therefore, he feels obligated to give you somewhere and will eventually pull away (if he’s not wanting a relationship). 

Assets Versus Liabilities

This is a very in-depth concept that I could never cover in one blog post but I will touch on the premise here. Assets are referred to as the benefits a guy gets/wants/sees from the woman based on the resources (time, energy, effort, money, and so on) he is willing to invest in her. Assets can be things that benefit a man, his purpose, and his evolutionary goal to survive and reproduce. For example, you being very attractive is an asset. Why? Because from an evolutionary perspective, men want attractive women because they raise his status, boost his ego, she’s highly sought after by other men, good looks in terms of symmetry are a sign of better fertility, and so on. There are man benefits a man gets from obtaining a good looking woman. That is why he will heavily invest or chase a woman he finds attractive. It’s worth the resources due to being a high asset.

Liabilities are things that drain a man’s resources. while a man does need to invest his resources into a woman, they become a liability when he has to heavily invest in more than what he sees as normal. For example, you can be a good looking girl but if you’re high maintenance, demand a lot, play extremely hard to get, and he doesn’t feel he’s making any progression towards winning you over, he won’t care how good you look because it isn’t not seeming worth it. Another example is long distance. Can it work? of course but they do take more resources to maintain.

The reason a man may pull away from you and ignore you in this case is he doesn’t see any assets worth obtaining anymore. Let’s say he wanted sex. That was the asset he was after and you two have been hooking up and became FWB. That is fine for him because he gets sex for free. However, if you start falling for him and want a relationship, he will now see this as a liability. From there he will weigh them against each other in a Pros versus Cons manner to determine if staying around and hooking up with you is worth the earful he’s going to get for leading you on and not committing.

There are a lot of assets and liabilities and this concept is something I go into depth over in my course Attraction Academy. But here is a small list of examples that are seen as Assets and Liabilities.

Assets Liabilities
  • Sex
  • validation
  • Looks
  • Good personality
  • Close proximity
  • Easy women
  • Flirty
  • FWB
  • Loyal
  • Motherly
  • Nurturing
  • Boost his ego
  • Someone he obtained who is highly sought after
  • And many more
  • Dramatic
  • Takes more resources to maintain
  • Long-distance
  • Ugly
  • Clingy
  • On different pages
  • High-maintenance
  • “One of the guys”
  • Unfaithful
  • Plays games
  • Isn’t easy (doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be easy. Make the dude invest still)
  • Hold out way too long (Which is okay. He isn’t entitled to anything)
  • His friends and family don’t approve of her

He Lovebombed You

It is usually a red flag when a guy love bombs you. A lot of women look past this and just assume the guy is infatuated by her and/or just tells him to slow down and continue on with the relationship. It is important though to understand the psychology of love-bombing. From my experience, men who love-bomb a woman tend to be emotionally unavailable and it only emphasizes the importance of context and everything I said above. If he love bombs you, the context usually gets created pretty fast. Sometimes, too fast before the guy realizes he bit off more than he can chew. He then reflects on it and realizes he painted you the ideal relationship but can’t deliver.

You Two Moved Too Fast

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you didn’t move fast. I am going to assume you watched my videos, had a level head most of the time, and he’s the one who did all the initiating and controlled the pace. Even if that is the case, the guy isn’t going to justify why he’s moving so fast. he knows why he’s doing what he’s doing. What he doesn’t know is the consequences of moving at such a fast pace because he is so focused on the validation. Not only that, he realizes that he went 0-100 mph and that you stood alongside him the whole time. The faster he goes, he realizes the harder it is to not only stop but to change the context (can you see now how important context is?).

 

If you’re the one who went really fast, a lot of guys go along with it until they either freak out and/or get what they want from you. I tell women that men know early on if they’re wanting a relationship. He knows if he’s emotionally available or not and what his intentions are with you. if it moves fast and he freaks out, he’s going to avoid all confrontation and accountability. This will cause him more likely to ignore you because it’s what is most beneficial to him.

The Degree Of Seriousness Of The Relationship

Simply put, if a guy wants a relationship, he will jump into one if he likes you enough. If he doesn’t want a relationship, then it goes down two paths for him:

  • He sticks around for the benefits by negotiating something with you. This could be a man saying, “It’s not that I don’t like you because I do. I just don’t know what I want right not since I am so stressed and bombarded with work and exams but I do want to keep seeing you.” As soon as you agree to this, you fall for the trap. Now there is no reason for him to go forward and the pressure of him leading you on or you poking for answers is eliminated for the time being because he told you he doesn’t know if he wants anything serious but you stood around anyway.
  • If he can’t negotiate, he gets what he wants and leaves or just leaves altogether. The one thing I constantly teach in my course is that you must look at things in terms of what is most advantageous for him? Humans always go towards the path of least resistance and what is most advantageous for them. If we can get a deal on something, we will take the deal. If I can hook up with you by asking you to come over instead of taking you on a nice date then I will in order to save resources. The same thing applies when it comes to relationships: if he doesn’t want one and is still around, it’s for the benefits you offer such as filling a void, validation, sex, attention, and an ego boost. If he can’t get that or the cost of getting that is too high, he will leave. When I say leave, I mean to ignore you.

MUST-READ: The Ultimate Guide On Getting A Guy To Chase You and Beg To Be Your Boyfriend

He Fears Commitment 

A guy who fears commitment is going to pull away and ignore you all of a sudden. He’s only going to do it after the context is created and it’s not in his favor. As a coach, the way I usually see this play out with clients is that they’re talking a guy who they don’t realize is emotionally unavailable, the context over times is created and has a more serious vibe, she is tired of his shit and wants a relationship, he can’t give it to her, they bicker back and forth, they both realize he fears commitment, and finally he pulls away and ignores her due to them being on different pages.

MUST-READ: The Ultimate Guide On Male Jealousy And How To Make Him Jealous

He Got What He Wanted

Sadly, there are times where a guy doesn’t even want a relationship and love-bombs you in order to paint a picture in your head that he’s the real deal. In reality, he knew what he wanted all along. Once he got what he wanted, he leaves because he doesn’t want anything else to do with you.

Despite what you all may believe, this type of man is the more uncommon type. I know you don’t believe that and may think that all men are deceiving pigs but that isn’t the case. I believe women think this due to a concept called result-oriented thinking.

This concept is where you start to second guess something that happened due to an outcome whether it’s positive for negative. An EASY example of this is let’s say we make a bet by flipping a coin. If it lands heads, I give you $100. If it lands tails, you give me $50. In this example, let’s say I flip the coin and it lands tails. Therefore you give me $50. I ask you again if you want to bet and you say no.

It would actually be smart of you to take the bet again because the odds are heavily in your favor since I am paying you double if you win. However, because of that loss (result), you’re only thinking of losing and not the overall outcome.

This happens all the time when it comes to dating and attraction. For example, when a guy pulls away after sex, you may automatically assume it’s the sex that he was after since he immediately pulled away after. Due to this, you may build a complex and hold out on men or think all men are after sex when that isn’t the case. Maybe he pulled away due to other reasons such as him being emotionally unavailable, the context created, something you did after sex, or an ex coming back in the picture. you start to have this hard shell around your heart when there is no reason to (although understandable).

I personally have never pulled away from a woman just because I wanted sex. For me, it was the context or my own emotional unavailability. It is not favorable for a man to invest heavily in a woman to win her over to only have sex with her a few times then to ditch her. That is a huge waste of his time and resources.

While I don’t justify this as a reason to ignore you, you also shouldn’t be sticking around. If you’re lowering your standards in hope to convince a guy to be with you, you’re going to get taken advantage of. At least a couple of times a week I have clients who come to me knowing the dude doesn’t want a relationship but keep hooking up with him anyway in hopes he changes his mind. Why would he change his mind? You just put him in the perfect position to have his cake and eat it too.

If a guy is losing interest in you, it’s not your job to convince him to stay. Well, it is but you shouldn’t.

He Wants To Avoid Confrontation

Men hate confrontation and accountability. If he’s getting a lot of crap from you (which he probably deserves) or feels he’s going to get a lot of crap for you for pulling away, not initiating as much, not being upfront about things, not giving you an answer, and a variety of things, he may just cut his loses and start to ignore you because it gets to the point where there is nothing beneficial for either of you to continue.

He Is Losing Interest In The Relationship

People change but it’s hard to accept that sometimes especially if the change hurts you. You must remember that he’s always going to be initiating, reaching out, and showing interest in the beginning. The more you two hang out and talk, the more context is created and with this context, he will be able to understand if he truly likes you or not. There are plenty of times I was talking to a woman where I was feeling it in the beginning but after four or five dates, it lost its spark.

While I don’t justify this as a reason to ignore you, you also shouldn’t be sticking around. If you’re lowering your standards in hope to convince a guy to be with you, you’re going to get taken advantage of. At least a couple of times a week I have clients who come to me knowing the dude doesn’t want a relationship but keep hooking up with him anyway in hopes he changes his mind. Why would he change his mind? You just put him in the perfect position to have his cake and eat it too.

 

Well, there you go ladies! Let me know what you think. Anything I missed? Do you agree with me about the reasons why a guy ignores you?

Elliot

What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 32-year-old who loves to read, write, and play games. Yes, I have a life outside of giving advice :)

3 thoughts on “Why Do Guys Ignore You All Of A Sudden? (It’s Not As Clear As You Think)

  1. The issue I always got caught up with is why they changed after two or three months. I’m always a very straightforward person, if I like you I’ll tell you and if I don’t the same. So I didn’t understand that the person I was being shown was not the real him. I had it backwards. I thought I met the real him and then he pulled away cuz he didn’t like me when in fact the person I met was never real to begin with. Reading your material and listening to your videos has helped me a lot to understand what different signs mean now. I will no longer waste time with someone who love bombs or ghosts or any of the other emotionally unavailable immature things. Anyway I just wanted to thank you for helping me understand that I didn’t do anything wrong it was just that I didn’t know the real person.

  2. Am starting to feel like i was love bombard too but the guy asked me to leave my clothes at his place… it kinder confuses me

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