When a guy leaves you, the first thing you want to get is revenge on him. You want him to regret leaving you and to see that he has lost a good woman. You then want him to come crawling back to you begging to be a part of your life again.
Is this possible?
While I think the odds weigh heavily on certain things, I can tell you everything you need to do in order to put the odds in your favor. With that being said, let’s talk about how to get a guy to regret leaving you.
How To Get A Guy To Regret Losing You: Simple Formula
To get a guy to regret leaving you, you must limit the damage already done, amplify the traits he loved about you, and then cut him off from them completely. Yes, this even works if he’s ignoring you. They still check in through friends, social media, and other contacts without you knowing.
Before you all click away and say this is a stupid common sense answer, it’s not. Trust me, a lot of women don’t know the first thing about getting a guy to regret anything because they don’t know what they’re doing wrong, why he pulled away, what he wants, and the timing on when to cut him off. Mastering these 4 pillars are what makes a guy regret leaving and come back chasing you.
If you want EXTREME detail on why he pulled away, what he wants, and how to nip your mistakes in the behind before they cause permanent damage, I HIGHLY suggest you get my course Attract Academy.
As you can see by this cycle, you need to know all 4 things. If you don’t the cycle will break and you will have no idea how to make him regret losing you.
Pillar One: What You Did Wrong
I first want to state that I am not saying that the woman has to always do something wrong for a guy to pull away. In fact, that isn’t true at all! Most of the time, I come to find out my clients are just talking to emotionally unavailable guys who had no intention of dating her.
With that being, there is no such thing as a woman who plays the perfect game so be honest with yourself and admit if you did something that pushed him away AND/OR if you did, STOP DOING IT!
If you’re trying to get a guy to regret losing you, stop:
- Chasing him
- Arguing with him to get him to come back
- Calling him out
- Sticking around hoping he will change
- Producing needy and clingy behavior
- Being a doormat
- Taking him back immediately
- Giving him chances
- Taking him back without him working for it
- Letting him breadcrumb you
- Talking and texting even if it’s minimal
- Making excuses just because you like him
I hate to say this but I don’t even feel bad for women anymore when it comes to this stuff happening to her over and over again.
Because she’s her own worst enemy. She does all the stuff above (or even just one thing) giving the guy the benefit of the doubt and lowering her own standards to keep him around and then is shocked he’s still doing the same crap.
Why in the world would he regret losing you? YOU’RE NOT GIVING HIM AN OPPORTUNITY TO!
Men can only go based on what they’re exposed to. If you keep taking him back or show signs that he still has you, why would he fear losing you? He has no reason to. You’re not going anywhere.
This is why I tell women to get my course. You will be able to tell IMMEDIATELY if this guy is serious about a relationship or not so you can save yourself a lot of time.
Another important part I want to touch on with doing something wrong is that it’s all subjective. That means even though you and I see that you did nothing wrong, he still might due to being hypersensitive, miscommunication, being emotionally unavailable, and so on. Even if it’s not your fault, it’s still important to know what pushed him away so you can release the pressure and have him return.
Pillar Two: What He Wants
It’s important to know what he wants because we are going to use that as the carrot we plan on dangling in his face.
Now that we know what we did wrong and stopped doing it to prevent any further damage, we can start putting more focus and energy on what he does want.
For most men, goes under two categories: Evolutionary and Psychological:
You can never go wrong with bettering yourself in the Evolutionary category. Once a guy sees a sexy picture of you or that you’re talking to someone else, his mind starts to wonder. He starts to question if he made the right decision. That doesn’t mean he’s going to come back. It does mean you cracked the surface.
Evolutionary traits work because they’re more instinctual, in your control, and he can’t help that he finds you attractive/wants to have sex with you.
Psychological is stronger in a different sense. It is another driver for his actions. For example, a guy who is trying to fill a void and seek validation is very likely to be on the hunt for women who fall for his games. If you combine the fact that you’re a very attractive woman who he once got and he’s having a hard time attracting other women as he did you, he is more likely to come back around and manipulate you in order to get back in.
Again, if you want hours of information on this topic, check out my course!
Pillar 3: Why He Pulled Away
You may think that this pillar is the same as the “What You Did Wrong” pillar. Nope. That isn’t the case.
While they’re similar, with that pillar, I just wanted you to be hyper-aware on if you did anything OR if there is anything you’re currently doing such as chasing, coming off strong, begging, trying to convince him, or whatever that may do more harm than good. A lot of women don’t realize they’re their own worst enemies.
However, when it comes to this pillar, it’s more about the psychological reasons on why he pulled away.
Could he be a player? Sure. Could he just want sex? Absolutely. But there is usually more to it. When a guy shows a lot of interest in the beginning and it looks promising to all of a sudden pull a stunt where now you’re trying to get him to regret losing you, something is up.
As I said earlier, maybe it’s something you did. Maybe you turned him off completely. Most of the time though, the most common scenario I see is if the woman did nothing wrong and he’s pulling away, it’s usually:
- An emotionally unavailable man
- Never wanted the relationship in the first place and the context got real strong
- Got what he wanted
- Another girl came into the picture
- The assets in his mind are not worth the “cost” to obtain them.
It can be more things. The list doesn’t stop here but these 5 are the most common reasons why a guy pulls away.
You will need to figure out what category he falls into in order to get him to regret losing you. Each category will have a different way of playing the game while some categories there are nothing you can do but move on.
For example, if another girl came into the picture, it will be important to wait it out. That doesn’t mean wait for him. You’re a fool who deserves to be heartbroken if you’re literally going to wait around for a guy to give you a second chance after he doesn’t work out with this new woman. However, most of the time, if he started to pull away because another girl came into the picture, that is a sign that it will probably happen again with her. After that, he may crawl back to you.
Another example is he got what he wanted. If he got what he wanted and realized the assets now are not worth the cost- the drama, pressure, confrontation, you trying to convince, him, and so on, he isn’t going to come back and regret anything.
Most of the time, it’s rarely “he got what he wanted” and “another girl in the picture.” That is just another way of saying he didn’t like you enough.
If the guy is emotionally unavailable, feels the context is getting too strong, and that the assets may not be worth it anymore, TIME usually solves that.
Which leads me to our last pillar:
Pillar 4: When Is The Right Time For YOU To Pull Away
Before we talk about the right time to pull away, let’s go over WHY you should pull away. You MUST pull away 100%. If you don’t you’re screwed. Let me go over the exhausting reasons why:
Actual Regret And Opportunities
How will he ever regret losing you if he hasn’t actually lost you? There is no such thing as the illusion of lost. You either lose something or you don’t. When this guy is the one who left you, why would he regret it? You’re already starting off on a bad foot. To ensure he does, you must close that door and pull away 100%. That doesn’t mean do it in hopes he comes back. He knows you’re doing that. He knows he can get you back if he wanted to (more on that later).
A lot of women will come to me and wonder why he doesn’t come back…
Why would he? He doesn’t have to make a decision because you’re not creating the opportunity for him to miss you! If he doesn’t feel like he lost you, why would he ever come crawling back? He knows you’re sitting around waiting for him. Trust me, we know! This is one of the most irritating things to me as a coach where women want to get a guy to miss them but don’t even give him the opportunity to because she lowers her standards so much to keep a dude around.
No matter what, you’re going to pull away. Even if that means you’re not going to him back. Your best chance is to pull away completely until he realizes (and cares) he can’t have you back.
Him FULLY Believing He Lost Access To The Assets
There are two types of pulling away: there is the typical “No-Contact-I-am-ignoring-you-to-get-a-response” which is the most common one that you all do. Then there is the one where it’s so convincing that you’re gone that he thinks, “Holy shit. I actually lost her” and he starts to backtrack and think if he made the right decision.
Women RARELY get to this second part.
Why? Because he knows he can have you if he wants you. He knows this by knowing what you want. He knows you want him. Therefore, all he has to do is present himself wanting the same thing as you or at least convincing you that he does and you then drop your walls and let him back in.
It’s only when a woman cuts him off completely and consistently that he panics.
So, when is the right time to pull away?
We will go over this more but I think the graph below represents the IDEAL time to pull away.
Obviously, the perfect time is when he’s interested and this article is about getting him re-interested. However, in general, women pull away way too early or way too late and wonder why it doesn’t work. If it’s too early, he doesn’t have time to care. He hasn’t invested enough time or energy into the relationship to care. If you pull away too late, that usually means you’re doing it after he’s already pulling away or you’re doing it after your assets lost value. The right time is when he’s super interested in you.
NOTE: DO NOT BE DRAMATIC AND PULL AWAY JUST TO PULL AWAY. THAT IS STUPID AND PLAYING MIND GAMES. DO IT IF HE’S INTERESTED BUT NOT FOLLOWING THROUGH OR TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED AND AFTER YOU CALLED HIM OUT.
If you don’t call him out, you’re passive-aggressive.
Pulling away at the right time also means not caving in. STOP CAVING IN! that shit makes me mad. Have some self-respect.
Now that we got the process down on how it usually unfolds to get a guy to miss you, let’s go over the 3 simple steps you must take to get him to want you back in his life
STEP 1: Limit The Damage Already Done
Guys will compare the pros and cons of whether he should come back to you or not. While a part of it is literally a list of pros and a list of cons like this:
As selfish as this is, this is what I would say is a COMMON LIST OF MEN WHO ARE NOT SURE THEY WANT A RELATIONSHIP BUT LIKE A WOMAN. Men who want relationships will have a completely different list. They may not even have a list. If they like you enough, he would just commit. However, the reason I am showing you this list is that there are two ways men logically come up with their decision on if they could come back to you.
The first one is the list, the second one is what I call, the cost.
I call is the cost because it’s not only directly comparing these two lists together, it also takes into consideration that all these bullet points are not weighted equally and it also involves more emotion in terms of what he has to give up/gain in order to get what he wants.
Let me give you a very common example. There are a lot of guys who want to come back around and hook up with a woman. That is the asset/pro/benefit he is after. However the cons of coming back for sex may be that he has to put up with them two fighting again, his actions of returning will lead her on since he resurfaced, and she’s going to pressure him for a relationship.
With all that being said, the guy will then ask, “Is the cost of getting in her pants worth all the crap I have to do to get it?”
If the answer is “yes,” he will come back around. If not, then he won’t.
I am not saying lower your standards to get a guy back around. Never do that. You need to uphold your standards and never let a guy use you. You need to know exactly what you want and if he can’t give that to you, he needs to take a hike and leave you alone. However, with some things, there are women who want a guy to come back around but don’t know how to get out of her own way to get the process started.
What I mean is there are some things you should never skip or lower your standards on. NEVER say you want friends with benefits when you want a relationship. Don’t say it just to keep him around in hopes he falls for you. That won’t happen. Never put out and hook up with him because if you don’t, he will leave. Who gives a crap. You don’t want a guy like that anyway. These are just some things you should never change.
There are things that go through his head that keep him away though. For example, some guys don’t come back around because it’s going to be the same thing all over again in terms of fighting, leading you on, the pressure, and stuff like that. While you’re completely in the right and should be doing those things, they are reasons he doesn’t come back around. That is why I tell women that if you pull away, pull away 100%! Don’t get in your own way by waiting around, answering him immediately when he starts to show interest, reaching out after you tell him you both should stop talking, checking in on him, saying happy birthday, or happy holidays.
If you do this stuff, he’s not going to come back. He knows he has you. You must cut him off 100% and when you figure out the reasons why he pulled away (whether it’s pressure or fighting) you have to have an, “I don’t give a shit attitude.” That doesn’t mean be coldhearted. It’s more of a stoic mindset. You just don’t care. If he comes back great. If he doesn’t then great as well.
This will ensure a woman isn’t in her own way. Again, I never want to tell a woman to lower her standards. That is not what I am saying here. I am saying be stoic. Stop putting so much emphasis on him and what he wants to do. The fact that you’re doing it is the reason he pulled away in the first place because you are too outcome dependent and he felt obligated to give you a relationship because you two talked for 3 months (which he should).
That is why I tell women to have 6-8 dates. Anything after that he’s living rent-free from you.
STEP 2: Amplify Your Assets (What He Wants)
Now that we have step one under control, you need to move onto step two by amplifying your assets. That means act as if you moved on and let it be known! Go out more, post pics with other guy friends, get a new look such as a hair cut, cute outfit, lose that stubborn ten pounds, and so on.
There are many ways to amplify your assets but it’s important to know that you must write a list out yourself for you to understand what you brought to the table versus what he saw as a liability. The reason I tell women to do this is those bullet points I have above in that pros list, are going to be things that DRASTICALLY stick out of his mind and have him dwelling on them. Trust me on this.
I remember one time I had this girl I really liked and although I liked her, I didn’t want a relationship. We decided to end our friends with benefits and just stay friends. I caught myself reminiscing about her from time to time and the things I constantly thought about were things I wasn’t currently getting, that other guys could be getting from her, and things that would be hard to get from other women.
Let me use a chart to prove another example:
|Things I Wasn’t Getting Anymore||Things Other Guys Could Get From Her||Things That Are Not As Easy To Get From Other Women|
I know these things sound very superficial but they’re just an example from the bullet points above and of things from a guy who likes a girl but doesn’t want a relationship.
This list is a very good example of why I tell my clients to always know what they can offer a dude that other women can’t. It’s important to note that they have to be things the guy cares about too. If you’re speaking 7 languages that is great but is that something that turns a guy on? Probably not unless you’re part of what I call his tribe. I go into heavy detail on that whole dynamic in my course. I talk about how to be the most specific thing a guy is looking for so you’re irreplaceable.
STEP 3: Being Able To Cut Him Off 100% Completely And Work His Way Back In
I know I said it a hundred times already but he cannot regret you if you let him back in. You’re conditioning him to do it again. People don’t change that easy. You can’t put your guard up, make him panic, and then drop it after he shows a little effort. That isn’t going to change a guy.
You need to understand the reason why he’s doing what he’s doing is deeper. It’s psychological. The problem isn’t the fact that he left and you’re trying to get him to regret it. It’s why he did it in the first place and doesn’t commit despite talking to you for 2 whole months already!
Something is in his mind stopping him from committing. Don’t take this the wrong way because I love you as a client, viewer, and YouTube Subscriber but:
I guess there are nicer ways of saying it but he isn’t going to change overnight. He isn’t going to come back and by you pulling away and all of a sudden the reasons he took you for granted are going to disappear. You must give that guy the feeling of truly losing you.
What does that look like?
Well, for starters, I would want consistency. I would also want actions over words. I would also be a piece of crap myself and breadcrumb him a little. No need to do this since I am talking purely from an egotistical state of mind but the first several times he reaches out, I wouldn’t say anything to him. I wouldn’t respond, text back, or anything. That will probably cause him to stop for a while before trying again. When he does try again, I would respond lightly. The reason I am telling you to do this is again, you’re not that special. If you think he’s going to blow up your shit forever, he isn’t. Humans like a reciprocal investment. We want to know that our investments are paying off and over time, if he reaches out with no prevail, he is going to take the hint and move on.
However, a small response is going to give him hope. Text back and forth a little bit then let it die off again.
After doing that a couple times, it’s naturally going to transition into a progression stage where one of you ask, “What the heck are you doing?” You are going to say it wondering why he is reaching out when he didn’t want you in the first place or he may say it to see if he can progress it somewhere. Either way, you’re going to get a response out of him. If he wants back in, you need to give him some harsh reality checks, NOT DO ANYTHING PHYSICAL, make sure he’s genuine, and take it slow. He does NOT get his spot back in line.
If it was me, I wouldn’t even take this guy back. People don’t change as much/likely as we want to believe. I don’t believe he’s going to flip a switch and all of a sudden realize you’re the woman of his dreams. That is just me though.
With that being said ladies, let me know what you think. Anything else I can add?