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Can Guys Fall In And Out Of Love With A Woman? The Answer Will Surprise You!

There are times where I thought I fell in and out of love with a woman. I am sure she thought the same due to my inconsistent actions towards her. I feel bad for her which is one of the reasons I am writing this article.

I don’t want you making the same mistakes waiting for a man to love you completely. I am going to talk about what I realized about myself and other men who fall “in and out of love” with a woman.

Can a Guy Fall In And Out Of Love With A Woman?

No, a man can’t fall in and out of love with a woman he truly is in love with and cherishes. Love is too strong of an emotion for someone to have the ability to go back and forth on how he feels. A man can love you and act the opposite but he can’t go back and forth numerous times in terms of his love for you.

I understand love is subjective so this could be controversial. I hate when people outside my relationship say that I do or don’t love someone based on me doing XYZ. Love to one person can be hearing “I love you” while to another it could be cleaning the house.

MUST-READ: Can A Guy’s Feelings Change Overnight?

The main reasons I say you can’t fall in and out of love is:

  • TRUE love is a very strong feeling. It’s like an obsession with some people. You can’t picture your life without that person.
  • I think we have an ideal behavior on what love looks like and if it doesn’t match what we imagine it to be, it’s not love. This is what actually confuses some.

I tell my clients that if a guy is acting like a fool now, he could have liked you but not loved. Or if he did love you, he doesn’t now. He can’t flip back and forth 15 times on each side. That doesn’t line up with what love is:

  • He’s putting himself in a position to lose you
  • He’s not trying everything in his power to make it work
  • He’s not willing to stick through it

Yes, people can fall out of love but love is enduring. The fact that you can flip in and out of it doesn’t make sense. I ALWAYS SAY:

If you hear hooves, think horses, not zebras

What that means here is I rather chalk it up to something else than a guy falling in and out of love with you:

  • Maybe he likes you but doesn’t love you
  • He could be emotionally unavailable
  • He likes the assets you give him so comes back for them
  • He is using you for an insurance policy so leaves when something better comes along but returns when there isn’t.

MUST-READ: Is True Love When He Ignores You? Did He Ever Love You?

I feel love is not only more enduring but more stable too. You can have ups and downs as a couple and you can fight often. But when you love someone, you can fight and make it up pretty quickly because you know it’s not worth losing the person.

With all that being said, I am not saying once you love someone you can’t fall out of love. You absolutely can. People change and grow and the person you fell in love with isn’t the same person anymore. BUT if that is the case, you can’t fall in and out multiple times in a month.

I personally think that if someone is falling in and out of love with you that:

  • They need to move on to someone more fitting
  • You need to move on to something more deserving
  • They probably shouldn’t be in a relationship if they don’t know why they’re so indecisive

First off, if his actions are what you’re going by, you’re an insurance policy and deserve better. If a dude is coming and going, he doesn’t truly value you because he’s putting himself in a position to lose you.

Some of you might say, “It’s not even that. I know he loves me we just fight a lot. It’s even hard for me to be around him at times.”

I admit that can happen too. I believe you can truly love someone but argue a lot. If you do it ALL the time to the point where you are on and off and constantly need space, that just means you’re not compatible. But if that is the case, is that love? I personally believe you can love someone and end up incompatible because life is more complex than just loving someone or not.

I am just bringing it up because I know some people will say you can’t love someone if you keep pulling away and can’t stand being around them.

There is some truth in that too. If that is the case, I would even make the argument that there is someone better suited for him out there.

Which brings me to…

What Causes People To Fall In Love?

Again, love is VERY subjective so I think it’s dependent on the person. However, as a dating coach and a man myself, I have seen 6 common attributes that make men commit and fall for a woman. Some of these are controversial but it’s the from an evolutionary perspective:

  • He has to find you VERY attractive
  • In terms of the universal mating scale (1-10), you have to be at his number or higher. Statically, we don’t want to date down, and if we do it doesn’t last long. NOTE: The scale isn’t based on just looks, it’s you overall as a person.
  • He has to believe you’re the best he can get
  • He has to believe his life is better with you in it than without
  • You have to have more assets and minimal liabilities
  • Obviously, you have to get along in terms of personality, humor, and what you stand for.

If you do all that, have a bomb ass personality, and you’re fun/cool to be around, trust me, he’s going to want to see you more. And he’s likely to fall for you if he’s emotionally available.

If you want to learn how to do all this, I have it in my course Attraction Academy. Yes, I go through ALL OF THIS.

What Causes People To Fall Out Of Love?

I think the biggest thing that causes people to fall out of love is liabilities. I know that sounds bad and I don’t mean liability as in you’re a hazard to him.

I mean it more in the fact that he doesn’t see it worth it anymore.

He may believe his life is better without you. He may be convinced that you’re not the best he can get. He probably believes there is better out there. Maybe you two fight a lot or the spark isn’t there like it once was.

It’s when the assets don’t become assets anymore and the liabilities are still lingering.

Again, I know this sounds really bad. I am cringing while I write this but it’s from my experience as a dating coach. I literally witness this all the time. Almost daily in fact.

That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or him. It doesn’t mean you can’t love again. It just means you two have changed and grew into different people. Maybe you’re not suited for each other anymore.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Let me know below in the comments on why you think people fall in and out of love. I love you all. Take care, and peace!


What's going on everybody? It's your favorite dating coach, Elliot Scott! I am a 32-year-old who loves to read, write, and play games. Yes, I have a life outside of giving advice :)

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